


Love Happens

by Darktragicangel



Category: Alice 19th
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Past Character Death, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2017-11-29
Packaged: 2018-08-24 07:18:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 30,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8362798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darktragicangel/pseuds/Darktragicangel
Summary: Kyo finally understood. Everything he thought about love was wrong. It was not about being with somebody you liked, but about being with somebody you bonded. It was not about finding somebody with common interests and personality, but about accepting somebody as a whole, with both qualities and faults. It was not about having stimulating conversations, but knowing how to talk without words.LoveLove knows no rules and breaks all barriers. Love is about contradiction. It is the welcome uninvited guest. The wrong that becomes right. The impossible that becomes possible. The most desired unwanted turn in one’s live. Love comes without any warning. Unexpected. Undeniable. Love simply happens.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> «In the beginning the Word already existed. The Word was with God, and the Word was God» (John 1:1)
> 
> LOTIS are words of GOOD, words of LIGHT. They were thought by the Great Master - Lotsan.
> 
> MARAMS are words of EVIL, words of DARKNESS. They were introduced by the Great Master Lotsan's very first pupil. He was a traitor, wished power and desired to defeat Lotsan to rule the world.
> 
> Within time, both Lotis and Marams were forgotten by Mankind, but their power continued existing in our hearts, having the power to hurt or heal. The knowledge of the Lotis Words lives on and is preserved by the Lotis Masters, who still fight the darkness.
> 
> This story happens after the events of the mangs series of Alice 19th  
> \-------

**_I wish you never told me_ **

**_I wish I never knew_ **

**_I wake up screaming_ **

**_It’s all because of you_ **

** Three Days Grace **

_Share my despair._

The fateful words were spoken. The pale features were familiar but the cold stare and the cruel smirk were unrecognizable. Icy blue eyes glinted maliciously. His arm raised and his hand held an object. It was a mask. Black and white. The mask was forced on his face. The world became blurry. And then it turned black.

 Frey woke up in a silent scream. He sat up right on his warm bed, but was covered in cold sweat. His green eyes were watery, hidden under a bush of light blond hair. His long shaky fingers wiped the strands glued to his temple. He breathed gasps of needed air. He swallowed a sob, while memories that should have already faded away still insisted to haunt him during the night.

Frey stepped out of his bed and headed to the bathroom. He didn’t bother with the cold air that sent chills through his whole body when it touched his wet skin. He was too disturbed with the dream’s last images and his racing heart was a testimony of it. He regretted the moment he switched on the light. It made him blink painfully at its brightness, so he turned it off again. The young man reached for the sink, opened the tap and cupped his hands under it. He threw icy water at his face. Once. Twice. The freshness on his skin offered some comfort. He closed the tap again and bent over the sink.  And then released a suppressed painful groan.

 His whole body shivered, but not of cold. Frey had to grasp firmly on the ceramic basin to keep him from breaking down and collapse on the tiled floor. Another two painful moans, another several gasps of air. Slowly the young Norwegian managed to regain his self-control. He finally was able to stand up. Frey wiped the hot tears away and looked at his reflection on the mirror. It was dark, so he could only see a silhouette. A shape created by the pale moonlight and dark shadows. He needed no light to see that the boy staring back at him was in fact broken.

_Why?_

It was with this unanswered question in his mind that Frey returned to his now cold bed, covered himself completely under the blankets and prepared for another sleepless night.


	2. Lock the world away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alice is the main character of this manga series. She is the youngest sister, shy and insecure, who lives under the shadow of her beautiful and popular older sister Mayura. Both are in love with the same boy - Kyo Wakamia.   
> In a fit of jealosy, Alice sends her sister by accident into the shadows through words (I hate you, Disappear), so Mayura is enslaved by the Master of Darkness - Darva.   
> Alice and Kyo soon discover they are Neo-Masters of the Lotis,. Their task is to return the forgotten Lost words. Frey, a young man from Norway is the one who finds them. He becomes their Lotis Master and teaches them about Lotis and Maarams.  
> In the end, they defeat Darva and save Mayura. Kyo and Alice are finally together.   
> But did they live happily forever?
> 
> This story develops after the manga events.

It was weekend. Kyo was, as expected, baking a cake at his uncle’s café. He smiled sincerely when the kitchen’s door opened to reveal the Seno sisters. Alice entered first. She looked absolutely adorable in a blue marine shirt and a skirt with pink patterned flowers. Mayura followed her in a lavender dress with a pink ribbon around her waist. The older sister was becoming more beautiful by the day.

“Hello Alice.” Kyo bent slightly so the shorter girl could meet his lips and share a gentle kiss. “Hi Mayura.”

Although the girl smiled cheerfully and waved joyfully, she did not approach to greet him. Truth to be told, since the final battle against Darva that the interaction between Kyo and Mayura changed dramatically. Whenever they were together, Mayura would always chose to remain at a safe distance. An air of uncomfortable awkwardness insisted in being present among them, which would only worsen with Alice’s presence. The smiles weren’t as open as before, there were no more hugs, pats or touches anymore. It was like if a piece of their innocent and carefree friendship had been corrupted by the events of the past. It was like if something was broken and Kyo and Mayura tried tirelessly to glue back the pieces together, but the cracks always remained there, almost invisible, but visible enough.

“Mayura and I were in the neighborhood, so we decided to pass by.” Alice happily said, but Kyo could sense the uneasiness in her voice.

He pretended not to notice anything and instead nodded silently in his typical polite and quiet manner. The three chatted cheerfully for a while. Yet, Kyo couldn’t help himself from feeling upset with Alice. He didn’t understand why she still found it necessary to always justify her visits. She did it every time. Even when she came alone. It was like she always had to have a pretext to visit her boyfriend.  It was like she felt embarrassed to be with him. It was like if she kept telling herself it was okay to be with Kyo, while she didn’t really believe it herself.

Kyo wondered when the girl would finally feel completely at ease with him. They were already four months together. Their first days together as couple had been wonderfully sweet. Had been perfect and blissfully romantic. They kissed and held hands whenever they could. They talked all the way to and from school, they texted for hours. They shared dreams and smiled all the time. And then short after, their relationship reached a point of stagnation.

Their relationship was still filled with wordless rules of formality. Their interaction as lovers never went further than the sweet chaste kisses and holding hands together. They still shared sweet and tender moments, but they always felt insufficient. They were never enough. Kyo wanted more. He wanted to fill his empty heart with Alice’s love, but somehow, he felt like he never could. Because there was always some kind of tension around them. There was always some kind of awkwardness coming from Alice. Yet, when they talked, Kyo could read in Alice’s eyes that she truly loved him. Alice’s blue eyes shone beautifully for him alone. And so he accepted the unprogressive development of their relationship and contented himself with what they had. He continued to smile, while the girls told him about the last movie they saw together. He was glad they were getting along again and that their sisterly bond was strengthening more than ever.

At a certain point, Mayura merrily excused herself. She told them she needed to ask something to Kyo’s aunt Maki. He knew of course, it was Mayura’s way of giving them more space, giving them some privacy. And immediately, he noticed the awkwardness and tension build around Alice. It finally occurred him that maybe Alice felt uncomfortable for being there with Mayura, since it was no secret the older Seno sister was still in love with him.

 “Is Mayura okay?” Kyo casually asked.

“Oh yes! Yes!” Alice answered, a bit too quickly and a bit too loudly.

Kyo’s suspicions about Alice’s feelings towards her sister now tripled. He wondered how far Alice still felt guilty for sending her sister into the darkness. Above all, he wondered to what point Mayura’s approval for their relationship fueled the guilty feelings in Alice’s heart. His brow furrowed ever so slightly.

 Since Mayura was saved from the claws of Darva, she had returned to her normal self. Fortunately, all the horrible memories of those terrifying months were wiped away from her memory. The older Seno sister had proved to be noble when she stepped away and allowed Alice to date the boy they both loved. It went beyond approval actually, because he ardently supported their relationship. Mayura, more than once, came in her sister’s defense when gossips were fermented at school. Mayura truly felt unconditional love for her little sister.

Alice also changed after the final battle, but in a more negative way. In contrary of what Kyo had expected, Alice started to shut her deepest feelings away from the world. She seemed to create an invisible barrier between herself and the people she loved the most. The girl was, instead of breaking from her shell and standing up for herself; she was returning to her old habits. Alice kept all her feelings to herself instead of verbalizing them.

Kyo placed the cake in the oven. He pondered what to do about Alice. He wanted to help her. He wanted to make her realize everything was all right. He wanted to make her feel comfortable and happy again. But he didn’t know how. He needed advise. He needed to talk with somebody about this. But who? As much as he loved his uncle and aunt, he knew they would give him a too lighted answer to his concerns. Mayura was out of question, the girl had already suffered enough. Friends he had none he could really trust to talk about such matters.

None but one.

 Frey.

 _“Hey, feelings are a treacherous thing. That’s the only thing our mind cannot control.”_ The blond had once told him, answering one of his many questions about Lotis and Marams. Kyo smiled knowing, as crazy as his Lotis mentor would behave, he was wiser and more mature than he let on. Kyo was certain the Norwegian would listen to him and hopefully give him some advice on the matter.

“What are you thinking about?” Alice curiously asked. Kyo had been staring at the oven for a long while now, having completely forgotten where he was, but most of all, with who he was with. He looked at Alice a bit startled.

“Oh nothing.” He said, shaking his troubled thoughts away. “Just thinking about something Frey once told me.”

“What did he tell you?

“Just something really wise about life.” He said with a shrug of his shoulders, not wanting to reveal the subject. Alice understood it was something he was not ready to share and decided not to insist.

“That Frey.” Alice said instead with a gentle smile. “It’s so weird when he says something deep. I wonder how he is...”

“Alice, our tea is on the table!” Mayura’s singing voice was heard as she peeked from behind the door. She looked at Kyo and giggled while she pointed from him to her own nose. “You have something on your nose, silly!”

Kyo quickly wiped the white flower off his nose embarrassed, but couldn’t avoid drawing a smile when he heard both girls giggling as they walked into the café. He was glad they got along so well and didn’t matter at all for being the subject of their amusement.

While he waited for the cake to bake properly, his thoughts lingered back to his Norwegian friend. Alice’s comment about their Lotis mentor had been absolutely truthful. Frey did say sometimes really deep stuff. Who would expect the too spontaneous and too forward to the point of being rude Norwegian was quite the philosopher? Kyo still considered Frey to be an extremely hyper energetic, irritating and blunt person, who didn’t seem to know anything about personal boundaries or politeness. The blond had a special talent in infuriating Kyo with his crazy ways such as his strange obsession for home-made jam or his incapability of resisting to throw his charms at any beautiful woman that crossed paths with him. But Kyo knew that the extrovert personality, the continuous funny, spontaneous and cheerful guy was nothing but a façade, a clever cover up for Frey’s true personality and feelings.

It had taken Kyo some time to understand that his Lotis Master wasn’t really what he appeared to be. The more they got to interreact, the more Frey revealed a little bit more about himself, until Kyo understood that the blond had more layers than anybody else he knew. Because there was much more to Frey’s real person. To his real thoughts and views of life. There lived far more serious, responsible and protective person in Frey than anybody could imagine. Despite being only 19 years old, the Norwegian had experienced more troubles, hardships and sorrows than most people would in a lifetime. One would expect such experiences to make a person grow bitter, depressive and even suicidal. Instead, they shaped Frey into a wise and altruistic person. And Kyo truly admired and respected him for this. The Japanese teenager suddenly realized he missed his foreign friend. He missed his contrasting sides, both his crazy moods and his serious moments.


	3. Give me concil, my friend

Kyo was lucky. Frey was online on Skype. Although it was already morning in Japan, he knew in Norway it had to be somewhere in the middle of the night. Nevertheless, the call was answered. Soon a smiling face appeared in the screen. Kyo smiled sincerely, happy to see his unorthodox friend again. But he became immediately worried with the Norwegian’s health. The blue light of the computer reflecting on Frey’s face enhanced his pale features, bony cheeks and dark rings under his eyes. It was clear he had lost some weight and he looked like he hadn’t had a proper night’s sleep for a long time. Kyle grimed at the thought Frey looked ghostly. He was troubled because his friend had in fact answered the call, despite it being really late or really early in Oslo (it depends how you would see it). But all concerned thoughts dissipated the moment Frey started talking in his never-ending good mood.

“Kyo! Long time no see! You look great!” The blond cheerfully greeted and Kyo was reminded of how much he actually loved that foreign accent.

“I cannot say the same about you. Is that a new hairstyle?” He pointed out at Frey’s extremely uncombed hair. “Do you fight in your sleep or something?”

“You know I don’t.” He merrily replied, referring to the time they had to share the same bedroom (which Kyo had found absolutely horrifying). “But - you could say I’ve been in a kind of a fight.” He said in a mischievous tone and Kyo knew instantly he was with a woman. Nothing surprising, considering Frey never bothered to hide his perversity, but the Japanese still couldn’t help and reprove this kind of behavior.

“You’re not at home, are you?” Kyo cautiously asked, disapproval already present in his voice.

“Well, you wouldn’t get me on the net if I were at home.” Frey said sounding little bit less joyful.

“Why not?” Kyo asked sincerely surprised.

“I have no internet at home.”

“Why not?”

“Why have internet at home when I can use it from others for free?”  Frey asked in return, sounding overenthusiastic.

“You can’t afford it, can you?” Kyo realized a bit shocked. Frey shook his shoulders with a conformed smile.

“Life is expensive here and I don’t really earn that much.” He casually said and Kyo couldn’t help feeling bad for his friend. He knew Frey was, like him, an orphan. But unlike him, the blond had no family willing to help him out. Actually, Frey had been banished, shut away from his family after his incestuous relationship with his cousin. Kyo also knew that, because of this, Frey never got to finish school, which shrunk his possibilities in the job market.

“Too bad the Lotis Order doesn’t pay any kind of remuneration.” Kyo regretfully said. It was awful, that this ancient secret society wouldn’t help the Lotus masters, who put daily their lives in risk for others, for people they didn’t even know or had any connection or relation with. It was the ultimate form of altruism, since none of the Maram victims ever remembered anything. Again, Frey merely shrugged his shoulders with a smile of acceptance.

“How are the Seno chicks?” Frey changed the subject, using his easygoing tone, clearly unwilling to linger any longer in the subject of his present financial state.

“Mayura is back to her old self. She’s even sweeter than before.”

“I guess freeing her heart from the Darkness changed her world perception.” Frey said clearly glad, his tone already revealing his more serious side. “What about Alice?” Kyo didn’t miss the hint of concern and protectiveness in his words. He wondered if it was because he actually loved the girl as he claimed to do (although Kyo quite doubted it) or if it was his feeling of responsibility toward her as his Lotis pupil.

“I don’t quite know, really.” Kyo started and his fingers brushed his temple. “When I’m with her, there is always this tension…” Frey suddenly interrupted him.

“Did you two already _do_ it?” He bluntly asked, while he came closer to the camera, his light eyes full of curious expectance. Kyo stared shocked at him and suddenly wondered how in Earth he ever thought this guy could help him out in love matters.

“No!” He yelled, feeling the blood rush to his cheeks. “She’s only fifteen!”

“I was fifteen when I lost my virginity. What’s the big deal?”

“Yeah, look how you turned out.” Kyo accused upset, while Frey laughed heartily. Suddenly he stopped and stared at Kyo with an urgent expression.

“Are _you_ still a virgin?” It was Frey’s luck they were having this conversation in different continents, otherwise Kyo would have shot a dozen arrows in his thick skull.

“That’s nothing to do with you!” He yelled outraged, his face redder by the minute.

“So you are.” Frey said knowingly, his fingers brushing his chin. Kyo gasped horrified. “That’s why you feel tension all the time. You need to go to the next level, otherwise it’s your _tool_ that will suffer.”

“You idiot!!! It’s nothing like that! She’s the one who’s always tense!” Kyo shouted outraged.

“Oh, but that means she’s ready.”

“NO!!! I think Alice still feels guilty about sending Mayura into the darkness!!!” Kyo spat, shouting infuriated at his idiotic mentor. “And also because - well, she and I, while Mayura still…likes me.” He tiredly spoke. Kyo closed his eyes and forced himself to calm down, before he would punch the computer with the hope his fist would somehow reach the blond’s face. When he opened his eyes again, Frey was staring at him gravely.

“It might be more than just guilt.” Frey said with a surprisingly serious tone.

“You think there is a Maram in her?” Kyo asked afraid.

“No, no. You would have sensed it by now.” Frey dismissed while he shook his hand, emphasizing his point. He sighed and suddenly he looked older. “No, I think Alice believes she doesn’t deserve being happy with you. She must regret so badly what she did to her own sister, and then go out with the guy Mayura loves…She probably thinks she should be punished. You have to talk with her, before guilt consumes her. Or attracts a Maram.”

“Really? I haven’t thought about that!” Kyo said, pleasantly surprised with his friend’s advice, but feeling a bit scared at the same time. This was a reality he hadn’t even thought possible.  Frey snorted thinking how unbelievably naïf and dense his friend still was regarding love matters.

“But I still think it’s time for you to lose your virginity. Come on, you’re already 17 and a half! You have no idea what you are missing!” The carefree Frey was back and Kyo slapped his own forehead. There was simply no way of getting past the sex maniac living inside of this Norwegian.


	4. My beautiful broken reality

**_My spirit moans with a sacred pain_ **

**_And it's quiet now_ **

**_The universe is standing still_ **

** The Killers **

 

A young man with light golden-hair placed his green and yellow uniform back in his little locket, as his day’s shift arrived to its end. He had extremely handsome features, but his real beauty resided in the lively glint in his green eyes and his sincere and refreshing wide smile. While he walked towards the exit, he waved his colleagues goodbye in his characteristic cheerful manner, receiving in return friendly pats on his back. Friends, colleagues and costumers knew him as an energetic, good-humored and optimistic young man.

But as soon as he stepped outside his happy smile vanished almost instantly. He pulled his coat closer to his body and shrunk his shoulders as he was greeted by the cold northern winds. He let out a heavy sigh. He wished he could work the whole day in Olso’s Garden Center. Actually, he wouldn’t mind at all to work 24/7. Because there, his thoughts were continuously focused in the planting and caring of trees, flowers and other plants. His mind was always occupied with attending, assisting and advising clients. His days were filled with the busy coming and going of friendly faces. But when his shift came to its end, he returned to his miserable reality. He returned to a world ruled by sorrow and loneliness. A reality he preferred to forget.

He stepped in the bus and, as it drove, he watched the streets decorated with cheerful colorful Christmas illuminations. Shop vitrines were decorated with Santa Claus dolls, snowmen, and angels. Inside, they were packed with people making the last shopping before Christmas. They went on with their lives untroubled, never suspecting the dangers that lured in an invisible world. These were the people he had vowed to protect not so many years ago.

The bus passed by his home’s street, but he didn’t step out. He remained seated and watched the landscape slowly turn from streets with dark buildings, to a world made out of trees and snow. He was the only one to step out at his stop. He watched silently the vehicle drive away and then turned around. He admired for a few moments the beautiful surroundings, taking in the silence and serenity of this world just outside the city. A world untouched by man, sleeping peacefully under layers of pure white snow. He eventually sighed heavily, finally summoning the courage to take the little path that led to the Sanctuary.

Frey Weilhausen was the sole survivor of the Scandinavian Sanctuary massacre and, therefore, the task of rebuilding it had fallen upon him. It was a task he had accepted willingly and with honor. Not that he had had much of a choice. Given the circumstances of the Order’s decline; the Lotis Group could not appoint any other Masters for the building’s reconstruction. This was a most unfortunate fate for Frey, for he quickly discovered he hated this task and wished for nothing else than to escape it. Because every time he entered the Sanctuary, he saw the ghosts of his fellow Masters lying lifeless and under blood between stone and concrete. The broken walls were a reminder of his failures. His greatest failure of all was not sensing Marams around his Lotis mentor. His failure in recognizing Eric’s surrender to the Darkness.  His failure in protecting the Scandinavian Masters. And he could not forgive himself for this.

It was all very confronting. And very painful. Yet, rebuilding the Sanctuary had become a necessity to him.  Pain had become the air he breathed, the will to keep him alive. Pain worked like a drug on him. The more he wished to depart from it, the more he needed it. And while the past memories haunted him, he knew he was falling into a dangerous zone. Every time he entered the Sanctuary, Frey was faced with the fact he was no more than one single person. No more than a fragile mortal. No more than a teenager.  And the many responsibilities given to him, as well as the Lotis Order’s high expectations, started to weigh heavily on him. This particular evening would be decisive, finally putting his emotional and mental strength to  proof.

The moment he entered in the ruined Sanctuary, he sensed them. The negative presence of Marams was always luring in the air, making it heavy and hard to breathe. Eric had branded the Sanctuary with his vicious deed. The memory of the slaughter of innocent remained permanently imprinted in its sacred grounds, attracting Marams at all times. It was Frey’s task to get rid of them. He cleansed the Sanctuary regularly and protected it with Lotis words and barriers. But sooner or later, the Marams would find ways to break down his defense walls and always ended up returning. As long as Frey didn’t manage to get rid of the Marams permanently, finding and training new recruits in the Scandinavian Sanctuary was out of question.

 Some days were worse than others, and sometimes Frey would spend hours uttering the Lotis words over and over again to drive the Marams away. But today it was different. Today the air was suffocating. Frey felt heavy, like if his body weighted tons. He felt dizzy and his vision blurred. And then he realized, they had been waiting for this moment. The moment he would finally crack.

Frey understood just in time what was happening. During four long months, he had managed to keep his depressive feelings to a passive level. He had found a way of living and coping with guilt, regret, sorrow and loneliness. But now, with the approaching of the festive days, his depressive feelings increased and consumed his soul everyday a little bit more. And the Marams had sensed this. They had waited patiently for Frey’s strongholds around his heart to break down so they could destroy one of the most brilliant Masters of the newest Lotis generation.

The instant Frey entered the sacred grounds, his anguish increased hysterically, his despair panicked, his remorse burned his soul. While he felt the claws of darkness enclose around him, he drowned in his grief and felt seduced to give into the depths of his sadness. But a part of his brains remained sober and urged him not surrender to his negative emotions. He hadn’t realized he had been shouting Lotis words from the beginning of the Maram’s attack. And while he gradually regained control over his mind and emotions, his words became more powerful. They were spoken with such belief and conviction, that after many hours of a struggling battle, the young Master succeeded in expelling the dangerous Marams.

The place became suddenly still and quiet, but Frey knew this calm wouldn’t last long. It was a question of time for the Marams to regroup, return and charge again. And he was aware he couldn’t win a second battle. So he ran off to the woods. He ran for what felt ages, wishing to get as far away as possible from the Sanctuary and the evil that lured inside of it. At one point, he slip on the icy snow and fell hard on the cold ground. Frey remained a while immobile, lying on the chilly wet floor, panting heavily, heart racing, muscles burning.

Eventually, Frey stood up and looked back. The chilly nocturnal air intensified his senses and he knew he had escaped the Maram’s rage. Instead, he was overwhelmed by the beauty and serenity of the landscape lying before him. The snow glittered under the pale moon light, different layers of blue painted the soft hills. It was a clear night and he could see the white dots sparkle against a dark ceiling. There was no wind, not one single branch moved. There was no sound to be heard, no little animal to be seen. It was beautiful. All too beautiful. Purity. Silence. Peace. Frey felt misplaced. Because he was the only broken thing disturbing the tranquility of this perfect world.


	5. Let go

**_Finally I'm understanding me_ **

**_One day we may have whole new me's and you's_ **

**_But first I need to learn to love me too_ **

** Sonata Arctica **

 

Talking with Alice had been more difficult than expected. Kyo quickly discovered Frey had been absolutely correct about Alice. The girl broke down the moment Kyo revealed his worries. He discovered Alice had been feeding herself with guilt, regret and shame all this time. And even when he told her everything was all right, that Mayura loved her, that he loved her; she discarded his worlds preferring not to believe in them. Alice was too hurt by her own actions in the past to accept such a forgiving reality.

In the end, she admitted they had started dating too soon. It all had happened too quickly, too close to the enclosure of the events and now she needed space and time to think and come in peace with herself. Kyo regretted her words, but most of all, regretted his impatience. He realized now he had been too quick, impulsive and reckless when he expressed his true feelings for Alice. He had been, back then, emotionally completely unstable. He kept bouncing from sister to sister, first accepting Mayura’s love to later break up with her and kiss Alice shortly after. He had repeated his mistake during the turbulent time they battled Darva. He had not given the time and space Alice needed, and so, he failed in protecting her from her own pains and worries. Kyo bitterly realized he had acted selfishly in the past. He was so busy with his own feelings towards the younger Seno that he failed to see he was hurting her the most. And now he was witnessing the consequences. But this time, he had learned from his mistakes. This time he decided he would respect fully Alice’s wishes and granted her space.

Their “break” started a week before the holidays. Christmas and New Year came and went, school had started again and the girl continued avoiding him. Mayura had been beyond comprehensive and told Kyo that Alice needed to learn to love herself again.  And meanwhile, he needed to be patient and understanding. The reason he kept his distance from Alice. Because every time their eyes met her look was so haunted and hurt that it broke his heart. He was frustrated he could not do anything else to help her. This was Alice’s self-discovery journey. She needed to heal her own wounds. And that was why he had chosen not to tell her about his meeting with one of the Lotis’s Grand Masters in the first week of January.

The man had showed up early in the morning. Kyo had no idea how long he had been outside. All he knew was, when he stepped out of his uncle’s house, there was a stranger sitting on a bench close to the café’s door. He got up and addressed him.

“Mr. Wakamiya?” Kyo stopped on his tracks, eying the man curiously and a bit suspiciously. The moment he saw him, he understood it was no ordinary person. The stranger was short of size, about Alice’s height. His grey beard was trimmed, his brown hat matched his blazer. His shirt and pants were casual, made out of light colors. He was tanned, with dark eyes and had a heavy accent. “My name is Bruno Rodriguez. I am the Grand Lotis Master from South America’s Sanctuary.” Kyo’s eyes widened at the revelation and wondered what could be so important that made this man travel so far just to talk with him. “Can you spare me some of your time, young Master?”

“Y-Yes, of course, Master Rodriguez.” Kyo quickly spoke while he bowed politely. The man smiled kindly.

“We can talk while we walk to your school. I do not wish to delay you.” Kyo nodded and the two proceeded their way to Myodo High School. “I come to you today, representing the Lotis Order and to deliver you a request.” Master Rodriguez paused and Kyo could tell he was pondering the choice of his words. “You and Master Seno are needed in the rebuilding of the Scandinavian Sanctuary.” Kyo felt his heart skip, as he was well aware that Frey was the person appointed for this task. He froze in his steps and looked alarmed at the man. Rodriguez, sensing his worries, smiled. “Do not worry. Frey Weilhausen is fine...” Kyo breathed out in relieve, but realized the man was facing him with a grave expression. “…but it was a close call. The Sanctuary is plagued by Maram’s, a heritage left by the Traitor. Master Weilhausen sough contact with the Order some weeks ago, because the Maram’s are too powerful for him to handle them alone.”

“But I thought Frey was…”

“A gifted Lotis Master? Yes, he is. But he is also a human being, with limits, just like anybody else.” They walked a while silent, while Kyo reflected on the man’s revelation. He found it hard to imagine Frey having difficulties in defeating Marams alone. It was true that Darva had proven to be too much for him, as well as for the other Lotis Masters, but even then, the Norwegian had put up with a good fight. If he was facing trouble, it could only mean these Marams were very powerful.

“Are you sure it wouldn’t be better to send Masters with more experience.”

“I assure you that all Master Weilhausen needs is some assistance.” The man casually replied. “We appointed you, Neo-Masters. It’s an excellent field exercise for you to explore the power of the Forgotten Words.” The man stated calmly, but Kyo had the feeling there was more to this story than Master Rodriguez let on. However, he decided it was best not to push on, not wanting to displease his superior.

“Master Rodriguez. I am honored to help Frey.” Kyo said, bowing accordingly to the Japanese courtesy. The shorter man smiled pleased.

“Good. You shall leave this weekend.”

“What?!” Kyo said a bit too loudly, startling some people in the street. “What about school? It’s my final year! And what am I supposed to tell my uncle?”

“Do not worry. All is arranged. You are written down in a student interchange program. You’ll follow classes in Munch High School in Oslo. As for your uncle, just tell him you forgot to inform him.” He unconcernedly said and Kyo felt his veins burn. These Lotis people had quite the nerve.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must talk with Master Seno.”

“Wait! Master Rodriguez, I’m urged to plead you to leave Alice Seno out of this.” Kyo quickly said, adding another polite bow and the man looked at him with interest. Kyo told him about Alice’s present state of mind and unbalanced emotions in general lines. Master Rodriguez listened with attention. He looked thoughtful for moments and then seemed to come to a decision.

“It’s preferable not to take any risks, her present emotional state can worsen the situation and endanger you all… In that case, Master Wakamiya, I will inform the Lotis Order that you are traveling alone.” Kyo smiled relieved, knowing he had spared Alice from more suffering and stress (not to mention Frey’s impetuous advances). He bowed one last time and then Master Rodriguez stretched his hand to shake his, wishing him good luck and success.

The rest of the day, as well as the rest of the week, was awkward.  Not knowing what else to do, Kyo ended up following Master Rodriguez’s advice and lied to his uncle (which he hated doing), pretending he had forgotten to inform him about the interchange program. He was also forced to lie to his friends and fellow students that he had not told anything earlier, having expected the interchange would be denied (which he knew was ridiculous, considering his excellent grades). Mayura thought it was all odd, but fortunately, didn’t insist either. Alice, on the other side, only had to put one-plus-one together to understand it had something to do with the Lotis and Frey. Kyo ended up explaining her their Lotis mentor was having some trouble driving the Marams away and that he was asked to help him out. He read the concern reflected in her eyes, as she too knew how powerful Frey actually was.

“Please, watch over him.” Alice had told Kyo at the airport. “Frey went through a lot during the fight with Darva. And lost a lot.” Kyo had stared at her with some surprise. Her words sunk in and his mind brought back the memories of the massacre in the Scandinavian Sanctuary and Eric’s betrayal. And suddenly he realized. It weren’t the Marams that were too powerful. It was Frey who was too weakened.

 

 


	6. Perfect Past Days

Kyo smiled involuntarily when he saw a blond young man laughing and waving at him in the middle of the crowd at the arrivals meeting point. The spontaneous and warm hug had come rather unexpected (Kyo was not the “touchy” type), but had sensed no kind of mischief or dubious intentions. It was simply a heartily friendly embrace.

“It’s great to see you again! Did you have a good flight?” Frey asked still giggling. Kyo smiled and nodded. He gave a little resistance when his friend took his hand-luggage from his hands, so all he had to carry was his suitcase. Soon Frey was guiding him to the exit and Kyo followed suit. Now that he saw Frey in person, the loss of weight, the paleness and dark rings under the eyes were evident. His concerns about his friend’s well-being had increased. But before he could say anything, Frey abruptly halted and turned around to face him.  “Is that all you’re wearing?” The blond asked while his fingers inspected Kyo’s jumper and coat’s material. The Japanese nodded and Frey gave a disapproving shake with his head. “This is not good. Are these your warmest clothes? It’s too thin. It’s 12 below outside!” Kyo stared at him blankly and realized he had not taken the needed preparations for the Norwegian winter. Frey’s eyebrow arched at Kyo’s confused look. He undressed his coat and handed it over to his friend.

“I can’t wear it! You’ll have nothing to warm you up!” Kyo protested.

“No. _You’ll_ freeze to death if you go outside wearing only this. Besides, I’m used to the cold.” Frey said in a tone that added no discussion to it. “Didn’t you see the weather forecast before you packet up your stuff? Not the whole world is as hot and sticky as Japan.” Frey scolded, while he headed to the exit.

“It’s winter there, too! Only not as cold as here.” Kyo replied upset, but was glad Frey had offered his coat, for the moment they stepped outside, the icy air hit him like a wall. “Shit! It’s freezing out here!”

“Told you so.” Frey said amused. “Don’t worry. The bus is already there.”

The journey from the airport to Frey’s home had been fun. It was warm inside the bus and the two friends chatted endlessly, Frey making most of the talking and most of the questioning. Kyo couldn’t resist smiling, while he realized he had forgotten how much his friend was this energetic. They stepped out in the city’s outskirts, a residential area with sad looking apartment buildings. The overall look of the surroundings was quite poor and depressive and Kyo wondered how bad Frey’s financial situation was. When they entered the building they crossed paths with a tall strong built man, who greeted Frey and told him something in Norwegian.

“Aww!!! You’ve gotta to be kidding me!” Frey shouted annoyed, while Kyo stared at him mystified. “The elevator is broken. And I live on the third floor.” The blond said frustrated.

“The stairs then?”

“The stairs.” Frey said in a defeated tone and started the climb. They reached Frey’s floor panting and cursing. They had survived from almost falling down the stairs after a cat ran between their legs and from stumbling over some toy cars somewhere between the second and the third floor.

“It’s small, but its home.” Frey said while he turned the key in his door. Kyo entered with some curiosity and was not surprised to find the interior to match perfectly with Frey’s personality.

It was indeed a small apartment but it was cozy. The kitchen and living room were in the same space. The walls were painted in a soft creamy color, the light green curtains and couch gave the place a fresh and warm feeling at the same time. The kitchen furniture was made out of cherry wood and the floor was made of a honey colored wood. There was a television set and a low wooden table between it and the couch. Kyo snorted at the mess lying on the table, which was full of papers, books, a dirty cup and a plate. There was also a shirt and a woolen cardigan lying on the couch. Typical chaotic Frey.

“You’ll have the bedroom.” Frey told him while he walked to a new division, taking Kyo’s hand-baggage with him.

“What?” Kyo blurted out surprised. A quick glance had been enough to realize there was only one bedroom in the flat.

“You’ll have the bed.” Frey said casually.

“Where will you sleep?”

“On the couch, of course. Or were you hoping to share the bed with me?” Frey naughtily said, while Kyo felt his head turn red of fury and embarrassment.

“Not in a million years!!!” He shouted outraged, waving his arms in the air energetically, while Frey laughed. “I cannot accept this. I should have the couch.” Kyo explained more calmly. Frey looked at him sternly for a while, with his hands of his hips.

“Kyo. You are my guest. Therefore, you are having the bed.” He said in a “isn’t it obvious” tone.

“But…” Kyo started but Frey cut his words.

“Look, didn’t you offer me all comforts you could when I stayed at your uncle’s?” The golden-haired boy asked.

“Yes.” Kyo admitted. But what Frey didn’t know, was that it had all been begrudgingly back then, since he couldn’t stand the sight of the Norwegian in the beginning.

“Good. Then you can put your stuff in there. Make yourself at home. I’ll make dinner, you must be hungry. At least I know I am.”

Kyo ended up doing as the older boy told him, but couldn’t help feeling as an intruder, getting the best room of the modest flat. He entered the bedroom and it was, in opposition to the living room, tidied and clean. This room had the same combination of light walls and green curtains and the Japanese had to admit it gave a serene feeling. He opened the closet. They were to share it, since Frey’s clothes hung there, but he had already made enough space to fit Kyo’s too. Just like the drawers, the top ones were empty, the rest was Frey’s stuff.

Kyo was positively surprised with his Lotis mentor’s hospitability and beforehand preparations, but he knew he should have suspected it. Frey was often not what one would expect. While he listened to the sound of pans in the kitchen, his eyes rested on a wall collage Frey had made. It was a mix of postcards, entree tickets, magazine pictures (mainly top models) and photos. Kyo looked closely and smiled when he found the one taken at Narita’s airport, the day the Lotis Masters left Japan. In the picture, Frey stood between Kyo and Alice (just like he always did when they were together). Next to Kyo stood Billy and Mei-Lin, Chris standing in front of them. They all had bruises and plasters on their faces, but also wide happy smiles.

“Kyo! Are you deaf or something? I’ve must have called you at least three times!” Frey shouted upset while he stormed into the bedroom. He halted when he saw Kyo standing in front of the collage and smiled. He walked towards the wall until he was standing next to his friend. “Ah, I love that photo.” They switched accomplice looks and smiles, as the memory of those challenging times returned. The moments between the battles had been fun, when they got to learn more about each other. Kyo’s eyes continued scanning the pictures. He wasn’t surprised not to find one single image of Eric, however, he was sure there must have been at least one four months ago. Then his eyes fell on the picture of a striking beautiful blonde woman, wearing a chain. It looked exactly like the earring Frey used to have.

 “Is that Ida?” Kyo asked pointing at the photo. Frey remained silent for some moments, while his eyes rested on the pretty features of his deceased cousin. Kyo could see the sad longing look on his face and regretted putting out the question.

“Yes, she _was_.” Frey answered in a low whisper, the last word sounding heavy, sad and permanent. “Come, dinner is ready.” Frey added with a gentle sigh, while he gave a friendly pat on Kyo’s shoulder. The Japanese took one last look at Ida’s smiling face and wondered. How much this all was affecting his Lotis mentor?

 


	7. The strenght of the weak

When Kyo entered the kitchen, the gloom around Frey had already dissipated completely and he was back to his happy self. After dinner and tiding up the dishes, Frey explained everything Kyo needed to know about his first day of school in Olso and how to get around in the city. The Japanese learned he would have to go to the director’s office first thing in the morning, to finalize the last details of the interchange. He also received a city map, the bus schedule and the requirements for the public transportation month card. Finally, Frey gave him a spare key to the apartment.

“School starts at 8:30, but tomorrow you have to be there at 8 o’clock, on the dot. I’ll go with you in the morning, after that, you’re on your own. We’ll go to the Sanctuary after I finish work.”

Frey continued explaining other things, but his voice slowly became distant until it was nothing but a sound in the background. The Japanese was feeling rather tired from the long travel and his head was spinning from all the information Frey had given him. He was slowly shutting down and surrendering into slumber. Suddenly, Kyo received a kick, gave a painful yell and stared startled at his friend. “Hey! No snoring and drooling on my couch! Go get some sleep before you have a jet leg.” Frey shouted abruptly and Kyo mumbled some complaint, but accepted his friend’s command with gratitude. The moment his head touched the pillow, he fell in a deep dreamless sleep.

…

Kyo woke up from his alarm clock and swore under his breath, having the feeling it was way too early to get up. But he forced himself out of the bed and into the shower. While he got dressed, he could hear music coming from a radio and some rustling in the kitchen, so he knew Frey was already up and busy.

“Good morning.” Kyo said feeling more dead than alive.

“Morning. Did you sleep well?” Frey asked as he poured dark coffee in a mug.

“Yeah. Could have slept more, though.” He said, while rubbing his temple. “You?”

“Mhmm. Coffee?” Kyo nodded and it was only when Frey sat down that he noticed his friend looked as tired as him.

“Have you been having sleeping problems lately? You look like a zombie with those dark circles under your eyes and your loss of weight!” Kyo murmured upset before sipping some coffee. Frey lifted his head, halting with the spreading of his precious home-made jam on his bread to look surprised at Kyo. Their eyes were locked for some seconds and the Japanese wondered what his friend was thinking, for he was unable to read Frey’s expression.

“Are you mothering me?” Frey blurted amused and Kyo felt the familiar fire burning in his veins every time he was near the Norwegian.

“Well, you look sick!”

“Oh, thank you for the compliment.” Frey said in a sarcastic manner. “You look lovely yourself, today.” He added in a chuckle, thinking how very easy it was to irritate Kyo. Of course, he did not survive breakfast without receiving a couple of punches from his Lotis pupil.

…

Kyo was glad Frey had gone with him to Munch High School, otherwise he would never had found his way to it. Frey had offered to walk with him till the director’s office and Kyo was grateful for his help. But as usual, every time he thought the Norwegian acted like a normal and responsible person; he did something tremendously foolish. Kyo wondered why he still managed to be surprised with Frey’s ways with girls. He had flirted with at least three different groups of teenage girls and, worse of all, with one of the teachers.

“Frey! For God’s sake! She must be at least ten years older than you!” He scolded after shooting countless arrows in his friend’s body.

“Hey, she’s hot. Besides, older women are more experienced.” Frey said with a wide teasing smile. Kyo felt absolutely scandalized and was already feeling the beginning of a headache. “Well, here’s the office. Hope your English is good. You’ll need it.”

“Of course my English is good!” Kyo said in clenched teeth.

“Great. Then I don’t need to worry about you.” Frey happily stated. “In any case, you can always call me, if there is something. Have a great day.” He said waving goodbye while he walked away in the corridor. Kyo stood a while in front of the director’s door wondering how thin the line was when Frey joked and when he was serious.

…

Kyo sat in the bus to return to Frey’s apartment, feeling completely worn out. His first day at school had gone well, but it had been many new impressions for one day. The director demonstrated to be a well-spoken man and he personally guided Kyo through the most important areas of the building. He also met his student accompany, Niels, whose task was to assist him in any matter related to school. Like himself, he was in the final year, but they only had two classes together. The boy was quiet and polite, quite the opposite of Frey. Actually, at the end of the day, Kyo came to the conclusion Frey was an exception for his people, since the Norwegians in overall were quiet, serious, a little bit distant but always friendly and polite.

Niels had enlighten him about the school system and rules, introduced him to some of his friends and helped him out with some paper work. Everybody had been kind to him and done everything to make him feel welcome. Kyo had been the center of attentions during the day, something he completely disliked but knew was impossible to avoid. After all, it wasn’t everyday a Japanese came to their school and everybody was curious about him. He hoped this curiosity would die out quickly. This was the reason Kyo was so glad the school day had ended and followed Frey’s detailed instructions to get back home. He entered the silent apartment, dropped his schoolbag on the floor and let himself collapse on Frey’s bed, falling asleep almost instantly.

…

Kyo woke up with a startle. He could hear a familiar melody in a far distance and after a while, he realized it was his mobile. He looked around and the room was already dark. He switched on the light, while he picked up his phone.

“Yes?” He said in a husky voice.

“Were you sleeping?” Frey’s voice sounded surprised from the other end.

“Yeah, I dozed a while.” He said while he rubbed his eyes. He looked at the clock and it was just past 7p.m., meaning Frey had just left work.

“Are you still up to go to the Sanctuary?”

“Yeah. You?”

“Always.” He said too cheerfully and Kyo thought Frey sounded overenthusiastic. “Look, I’m about to catch the bus. It passes in the same bus stop we took this morning, in… about 15min. Number 137. Okay?”

“Yep. See you soon.”

Kyo had used the given time to borrow a warmer jumper from Frey, a temporary solution till he had time to do some shopping; wash the sleep away from his eyes, eat some biscuits and get his bow gear. He only waited a few minutes, but was already transformed into an ice cube by the time the bus came. He stepped in, thanking the gods for the invention of heating, while he rubbed his hands. He quickly found Frey.

“How was your day?” Frey asked.

“It was okay. Everything went all right.”

“Got to meet your accompany?”

Kyo told a bit about his first impressions about Niels, stressing the words quiet and polite.  But he stopped when he noticed Frey wasn’t paying any attention. Instead he was staring outside the window. The fire was already burning inside of him, irritated with the fact his friend was so easily distracted. Kyo was about to tell him off when he saw his friend’s reflection on the window. He froze. It looked ghostly, with an empty look in the eyes. Kyo realized Frey was lost in thoughts and was sure they weren’t happy ones.

“Frey? Are you okay?” Kyo worriedly asked, while he rested his hand on Frey’s arm. The Norwegian flinched ever so slightly and turned a bit surprised. His eyes looked dull and were deprived of any light. Kyo had the unpleasant feeling his friend had sunken into some depressive state and had momentarily forgotten where they were.

“Yes?”

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Do I have a choice?” Kyo was a bit shocked at the feeble tone in which he had spoken those words. Frey sighed and then spoke, this time with a stronger voice. “Besides, I cannot avoid going there forever. It has been almost three weeks since the last time I entered the Sanctuary.” He said with a weak smile.

“This time you are not alone. I won’t let anything happen to you.” Kyo spoke with determinacy and was glad to see some light return to the green eyes.

“Since when are you the one appointed to protect?” Frey said with a sincere smile.

“Hey, you watch my back, I watch your back.” Kyo said in a serious tone but was glad that Frey let out a warm laugher and returned to his cheerful mood.

“Good. This is where we get out.”

 

 


	8. In to the abyss of pain

**_The pain, the lies they multiplied_ **

**_It got too much for me_ **

**_I have locked myself inside_ **

** Silence 4 **

One month had quickly flown by and Kyo was adjusting to his new lifestyle just fine. He was still the school’s attraction but further, all went well. He continued being the role model student he used to be in Japan, getting on with teachers and fellow students in general. Thanks to Niels he easily learned to find his way around, not only in school, but also in the city. And he was learning Norwegian, very much to Frey’s amusement.

Every day he got up at seven and took a shower, while Frey still slept like a block. Half an hour later his alarm would go on too and the blond always woke up with a startle, often falling from the couch; which was witnessed by Kyo while he was eating breakfast. Frey, still half asleep, would stumble to the table and join Kyo till the dark-haired boy had to leave to school. Afterwards, Kyo would only see him in the evening.

They had created the habit of going to the Sanctuary after Frey’s work, once in every three days. The first evening, Kyo had been shocked with the overwhelming contamination of Marams in the Scandinavian Sanctuary. Fortunately, he was also reminded of Frey’s skills and his own. Despite their constant short-lived arguments (even when they fought against Marams, confusing them with their quick changes of mood) they proved to be a good team. They quickly learned the strengths and weaknesses of each other. They could predict when the other needed help, protecting each other and making the Marams’s attacks futile.

The other evenings, Frey would return home right after work or after buying some groceries. He always took the charge of cooking, even during their expeditions to the Sanctuary (becoming really late dinners). Kyo found it remarkable that Frey’s energy always dropped suddenly after dinner, when they were talking or watching TV. Kyo figured out Frey was exhausted from the day’s work, but was beginning to suspect (after living four weeks with the guy) that the Norwegian suffered of insomnia. It worried him that his friend denied having sleeping problems, while the paleness and dark rings under the eyes persisted. After all, he often woke up in the middle of the night with Frey rumbling in the bathroom. So he promised himself the next time this would happen, he would confront the blond.

…

Kyo opened his eyes. It was dark and he looked at the digital clock. It read 3.16 a.m. He could hear soft noises coming from the bathroom. He quickly got up and was surprised to hear water running while the light was off. So he turned it on.

“Auwww!” Frey yelled shocked by the sudden brightness. He covered his eyes with his right arm and lost his balance meanwhile, falling on top of Kyo. “Why did you turn on the light?!”

“Why are you in the dark in first place?” Kyo questioned in return, trying to get from under Frey, who apparently was heavier than he looked.

“You idiot! I have light eyes! They hurt with the sudden brightness!” Frey shouted uncharacteristically infuriated, while he clumsily stood up, blinking his eyes painfully. Kyo was a bit taken aback by his friend’s reaction and stood up himself, feeling annoyed too. He was about to give an uncharacteristic rude answer when he noticed something.

“Have you been crying?” He sounded truly surprised, noticing some redness around the green eyes. Frey blinked a few times, still painfully and took only a quick glance over his dark haired friend.

“No, of course not. Now get off my way.” He said while he bumped against Kyo’s shoulder. But the Japanese wasn’t going to give up this easily so, when Frey’s shoulder hit his, Kyo grabbed him by his arms and, with a quick movement, threw the blond against the wall. Frey was clearly taken by surprise, and Kyo could see him now closely enough to confirm the blond’s eyes were puffed.

“You were crying.” He stated firmly. “Why?” A flash of pain crossed Frey’s face, but it was quickly replaced by a furious expression.

“Mind your own business!” He yelled, while he pushed Kyo away from him. The angry look he gave was dangerous enough for the Japanese to step out of his way and wonder if a Maram had taken hold of him. “Go back to sleep.” He muttered upset while he entered the living room. Kyo took a deep breath. He wasn’t finish yet, so he followed his friend, switching on the light in the living room too, causing more painful and frustrated yells.

“Why do you insist switching on those damn lights?!”

“Is this what happens every night? Because I always hear you in the bathroom between 3 and 4 in the morning!” Kyo accused and for a moment Frey looked caught.

“What is this? Are you spying me or something?”

“I am worried with you! You don’t sleep, you eat too little, you’re not okay!”

“There’s nothing wrong with me.”

“Liar! Everything is wrong with you!” Kyo shouted upset. A heavy silence fell in the room as both friends stared at each other. Kyo could see the paleness in Frey’s face increase. The golden haired boy sighed heavily in an effort to remain calm and the Japanese noticed his hands were trembling.

“Look, I had a bad dream, okay. That was all.” Frey said with a shaky voice, while he could feel himself crumbling down. “So, _please_ , go back to bed.”

“You’re not well. You need to tell me what’s going on.” Kyo insisted, his worries growing by the minute, seeing his friend’s distress in his nervous eyes, his agitated movements, his chocked voice. But Kyo’s request to help Frey only made the blond despair.

“I don’t want to talk.” Frey murmured afflicted, but his voice was too soft for his friend to hear.

“I mean, every day you look exhausted, like you are about to collapse.” Kyo continued, not realizing, the more he offered his help, the more he pointed out Frey wasn’t well, the more the blond suffered and felt he was closer to the edge.

“I don’t want to talk!!!” Frey desperately yelled, his voice filing the room. Kyo froze and watched Frey take a deep breath while he rubbed his temple nervously with shaky fingers. The dark haired boy realized his friend was in pain.

“Frey?”

“For the love of gods, just leave me alone!!!” The blonde shouted in a desperate pleading tone.

Kyle was taken aback, Frey’s tone hitting him like a blow. All he wanted was to help him, nothing more. An awkward silence filled the room. Frey struggled to keep the little self-control he still had over. He could feel the pressure accumulated in his soul wanting to burst out. He could feel the emotional turmoil needing to be released. His strongholds were cracking and were crumbling down. But still he refused to be vulnerable and give into his weaknesses. But he failed. His body worked against him. He gasped desperately to breathe. He inhaled the air too fast and too shallow and when his lungs couldn’t bear it anymore, his knees gave away. Kyo made a short run and caught his friend just before he hit the floor, still hyperventilating.

“I can’t breathe! I can’t breathe!” Frey asked panicked in a strangled voice and Kyo managed to guide him to the couch. “What’s happening to me?”

“Calm down, you need to calm down… _Jiiva.”_ Kyo whispered and a stone in his Lotis bracelet shone. Frey took a few gasps of air and his breathing gradually restored itself. Kyo had his hand on the Norwegian’s chest and could feel his heart race insanely, not to mention the tremors under his skin. When he looked at his friend’s face, Frey had his eyes shut tight, but tears were rolling down his cheeks.

“Frey?”

“I keep dreaming the same dream! Every single night!” Frey opened his eyes, but avoided his friend’s gaze. More hot tears slipped down involuntarily. “He puts that mask on my face and then…” Kyo’s eyes widened as he realized Frey was referring to Eric and the day he died. The day he revealed himself as a Maram Master. “… and then I feel what he felt. Pain. Despair. Hate. The hate he felt for me. The disgust… the despise he had for me. It was so great… so great!” Frey confessed with a broken voice. “And every time I wonder why! Because all I ever wanted was to make him proud. What did I do wrong?” He asked, his eyes finally on Kyo’s. “What did I do for him to hate me so much?”

 Kyo stared at his friend’s lost look and shook his head. He didn’t have an answer for that and Frey didn’t have any more strength left in him. He covered his face with his hands and let the sobs come out freely and loudly. Kyo’s hand was still resting on his friend’s chest and he shifted it to his arm, giving it a gentle squeeze. He could feel waves of tremors run under his friend’s skin and stared afflicted, not knowing what to do. After a while of hesitation, he slowly bended over and put his arms around his friend’s back. Frey’s cries intensified at the warm touch and fell in a state of absolute vulnerability. Kyo knew the Norwegian wasn’t weeping only because of Eric. This was an emotional pain that had pierced deep into his soul and installed in it. There were so many sorrows fed by too many years of suffering. It was a constant agony, daily repressed, hidden and forcefully forgotten behind a mask of joyfulness. An accumulation of pains that had become unbearable. It was too much pressure to bear. It was too great to hold back any longer. Even if that person was as strong as Frey was.

“Shhh, Let it all out.” Kyo whispered while he gently cradled his friend.

Frey allowed himself to free all his pains. He allowed himself to feel weak, vulnerable and lost. All the pressure accumulated in his soul came out in the form of sobs. He had no longer any control over his own body. Waves of emotional pain and pressure passed through his whole body in the form of tremors.  They started at his toes, travelling through his limbs to reach his chest, only to be released in painful sobs. The waves came, one after the other, with a little pause between them, allowing him only to breathe for some seconds. They wouldn’t stop. Frey had bottled up his negative emotions for too long and, even after not knowing why he was crying anymore, he just couldn’t stop. He was exhausted, but his mind could not command his body to halt. Every time Frey though the crying would subside, another wave of tremors emerged. After a long hour of the intense emotional discharge, Frey was truly drained.

“I want to stop! Why can’t I stop?” He moaned completely worn out, while a new unwilling wave of tremors swept through his body. But gradually, the painful waves became shorter and less intense, until all Frey did was breathe heavily. His forehead was pressed against Kyo’s shoulder, his whole body numb. “I’m so tired.” He whispered. “I’m so tired having to fight and be strong all the time. I so tired of pretending I’m not alone.”

“You are not alone.” Kyo said shocked at his friend’s revelation.

“Yes I am. Alone in the cold. Alone in the dark. And I’m scared! So scared they’ll get me.” He confessed, referring to the Marams. Kyo shifted his body and his hands grasped firmly Frey’s arms, so the blond stared back at him wide-eyed. Even after crying intensively, even with the extreme paleness and reddened eyes, Frey still looked absolutely beautiful. It was a beauty born from fragility, vulnerability, and it broke Kyo’s heart to see his friend like this.

“Listen to me, Frey. They are not going to get you! I will not allow it. You listen? You are not alone! You have me.” Kyo said with resolve, looking directly in Frey’s widened green orbs. The blond looked surprised for some moments, but then Kyo saw light return to his eyes. And short after that, they gently shut close, exhaustion finally taking its toll over Frey’s body. Kyo gently removed his grasp from Frey’s arms and helped the half-unconscious Norwegian lay in a more comfortable position. He sat a while watching his friend’s chest rise and fall in a peaceful sleep. His face was pale, but serene. Kyo hoped in the morrow Frey would feel better.


	9. A light in dark places

That night Kyo slept very badly. He first had trouble falling asleep, the sound of Frey’s miserable sobbing still ringing in his ears. His skin still felt the tremors of Frey’s body. Many unanswered questions raced in his head. When he finally succeeded to fall asleep, he was plagued by disturbing dreams involving Frey, blood and Marams. He woke up with the sound of his alarm clock and got right up. First thing he did was to check on Frey and sighed relieved to see the older boy was still sleeping soundly. After taking a shower, he sat down to eat breakfast, wondering how Frey would behave after last night’s breakdown. He would have his answer soon, as Frey’s alarm clock went on. The blond practically jumped from the couch, crushing on the floor. He moaned softly and remained a while lying down.

“Frey?” Kyo asked concerned and was about to get up when Frey sat up, looking sleepy and tired. He forced himself to get up, dragging his feet the few meters to the kitchen’s chair and sat down with a heavy tumble. He had his eyes still closed, his brow was furrowed and looked annoyed. Feeling the tension in the air, Kyo poured black coffee in Frey’s mug and put the jam pot closer to his hand. That usually worked. It took some moments for Frey to react, but soon he was sipping the hot drink and spreading jam absentminded on his bread.

“A-Are you okay?” Kyo asked after a long awkward silence. Frey’s eyes darted quickly to his, without making contact, and then rested them on his bread.

“Yes.” His brow furrowed a bit deeper. “No.” He halted with the spreading of jam and sighed heavily. “I will be.” He said after a pause and took a bite of the bread. Kyo swallowed dry, feeling nervous by the unfamiliar tension, but was glad his friend had been honest.

“Maybe you should take the day off.” The Japanese suggested.

“No. Working will do me good.” Frey said in a strangely neutral tone while he shook his head.  “Gets my mind occupied… Besides, I think the best when I’m busy with my hands.” Kyo nodded in understanding, while he drank the rest of his coffee. He looked at his watch.

“Gotta go.” He stood up and picked his school bag. He felt bad about leaving Frey behind in this state and needed to know for sure he would be okay. So he turned around to look at his friend, who was staring at an invisible point in front of him. “Ehm. Say, if there is anything…”

“I’ll call you then.” Frey assured and Kyo nodded satisfied. He headed to the door. “Kyo?” The Japanese halted at his friend’s voice and turned around worriedly. For the first time this morning, Frey was looking directly at him. “Thank you.”

…

Kyo remained the 20 minutes bus ride to school thinking about Frey’s words.

 “ _Thank you_.”

There had been only one occasion in his short life when somebody expressed their gratitude with this much sincerity and authenticity. The girl bullied in Junior High. Her words back then had warmed his heart and comforted him. The event repeated itself this morning, but this time, it did not offer comfort. Instead, it made his heart skip a few times and sting. He thought it odd, because it was a good thing, to receive gratitude from somebody else, especially if that person was important in one’s life. And Frey had become a good friend, if not his best friend. So why did he feel so troubled with Frey’s gratitude? But the bus ride was too short to complete his musings and soon his worries were forgotten by the school’s daily routine.

…

It had taken almost a week before Frey returned to his own cheerful self. Kyo had been careful not to mention the Sanctuary during this period, sure his Lotis mentor wasn’t capable of fighting Maram’s right now. And Frey seemed to have forgotten about its reconstruction, or at least, he pretended he did. The subject wasn’t mentioned one single time.

The days that followed Frey’s breakdown had been awkward and still. The Japanese that had so often wished for his friend to be quieter, now wanted nothing more than to have his Lotis mentor acting all crazy and stupid again. Because Kyo had never seen Frey so quiet like now. He barely spoke, and when he did, it was in a low and indifferent tone. Frey never cried again, but he also never smiled either. He expressed no kind of sadness nor anger. In fact, Frey acted absolutely emotionless. It was like if life had been drained out of him.

This all made Kyo feel quite uncomfortable and, sometimes, all he wanted was to shout at his friend, shake him and wake him up from this strange passive depression. But he dared not. Because when he asked how Frey felt, he always would answer that he was tired. And Kyo was certain this was the truth, since the golden haired boy was now sleeping longer and deeper than before.

It was in the fifth evening after Frey’s breakdown that he finally snapped out of this state. Kyo had taken the habit of making Valerian tea after diner, finding its calming characteristics benefic for both of them. Frey was sitting on the couch, staring blankly at the television and Kyo knew he was not really looking at it. He poured the tea in one mug and gave it to Frey. He returned to the kitchen to pour tea in his own mug. When he turned around and took one step the mug fell, hitting the floor. Kyo stared confused at the small pieces of ceramic and water spread on the floor. His eyes returned to his hand. He was still holding the ceramic handle. Before he could react, he heard a sound coming from nearby and looked in its direction. It had been a chuckle coming from Frey, who was now covering his mouth with his hand, repressing a second chuckle. Kyo stared stunned at his friend and Frey burst into laughter. It took some moments for the Japanese to realize that, it was the absurdity of the situation that had made his friend laugh.

“Ha-Ha. Very funny!” Kyo said, while he waved his hand holding the mug’s detached handle, but pleased with Frey’s change of mood.

“You should have seen the look of your face!” Frey said, while he wiped some tears of his eyes. “Hilarious!”

Kyo picked up the broken pieces of ceramic and cleaned up the floor. But it didn’t bother him. He would have broken a hundred mugs and cleaned up the floor a hundred times more, if it would make Frey laugh like it did tonight.

 _It’s good to have you back, Frey_. Kyo thought smilingly.

…

Two days later, the friends resumed their Lotis mission. It was late in the evening and they headed back from the Sanctuary. The Maram’s had been more persistent and stubborn tonight, but after a couple hours fighting, they were finally defeated and temporarily banished.

“They are weakening.” Frey said contented. “It will be a matter of time for us to finally rebuild the Sanctuary.”

“How will we know it will be definitely free of Marams? They keep coming back, no matter what kind of protective barriers we make.” Kyo pointed out.

“We will know when the time comes.” Frey said with a confident smile.

“I wish I could share your optimism.” Kyo admitted. He wasn’t seeing the sense in carrying on with this task anymore. If it was up to him, they would simply build a new Sanctuary. He was also feeling tired and cold and having enough of their nocturnal excursions. “Shit, this place is desolated! Any psycho could attack us here, nobody would hear us!” He suddenly realized.

“Who’d be the idiot to come here in the middle of the night with this cold in the first place?” Frey asked and Kyo stared at him exasperated.

“We are!”

“Oh, but between you and me, _you_ are the one who’s the idiot.” Frey said mischievously while he turned around to face his irritated friend.

“What?! I’ll show you who’s the idiot!” Kyo shouted upset and went for his bow. But Frey, who had foreseen his friend’s predictable move, hid behind a tree. “Don’t think you’ll escape me that easily!” Kyo yelled frustrated and headed to the trees while Frey made a run up the hill. The Norwegian, having grown up in a world of snow, ran easily and swiftly. His friend, on the contrary, struggled to move in the soft snow, his feet burying deeper by each step. When Frey reached the hill’s top he turned around and pointed at Kyo, laughing mockingly. Kyo saw red and made a promise Frey wouldn’t get home without receiving a good quantity of punches.

“Is this the well-behaved and composed great Kyo of Japan? Looks more like a deranged wild bull in the wrong landscape!” Frey shouted while he laughed double at his own joke.

 His words were the needed trigger for Kyo to fuel his adrenaline. He made a fast run and threw himself on the blond. Frey was taken by surprise, never expecting his friend to suddenly move so fast and had no time to react. Frey fell on his back on the soft snow with Kyo falling all together on top of him. There followed an awkward moment, when Frey was pinned under his friend’s weight, their faces inches apart. During few seconds, that seemed to stretch themselves to eternity, their gazes were locked. Kyo would swear he saw fear and something else in his friend’s green eyes. But he had no time to understand what it was. Because, suddenly, a yellow light illuminated their faces to disappear right away, crossing the trees around them.

“The bus!” Frey yelled urgently and pushed Kyo from on top of him with a surprising force, making the dark-haired boy fly into the air and land on his back. “It’s the last bus!” Frey ran a short piece to the road and reached the bus stop. The bus was already preparing to leave and Frey waved and shouted something in Norwegian. Luckily, the bus driver saw him from his mirror just in time, stopped the vehicle and reopened the doors. Frey flew inside, closely followed by Kyo. The boys thanked the bus driver and dropped themselves on the seats. They looked at each other and Frey let out a laughter.

“I told you, you were the idiot.” And this time he didn’t escape Kyo’s fist.

 


	10. Cast away by love

**_Funny how the heart can be deceiving_ **

**_More than just a couple times_ **

**_Why do we fall in love so easy?_ **

**_Even when it's not right_ **

** Pink **

****

Kyo sat alone by the kitchen table, making some homework. Or at least he tried. He looked at the clock for the thousand’s time and swore under his breath. He would call him, if Frey wouldn’t be back by noon. He never stayed away this long. Frey always went out with his Norwegian friends on Friday night (Kyo kept refusing the invitations to come along), and then spent the night with the company of some woman he would meet in the bar. He usually returned on Saturday morning, but this weekend had been an exception, since it was already Sunday. Kyo disapproved this kind of lifestyle, of course, but could do nothing than accept his friend’s ways. He only wished he would worry less with his Lotis mentor. He breathed relieved when he heard the door unlock itself and instantly his anger started to boil up.

“Hiiii!” Frey entered with a cheerful greeting.

“I’m amazed you didn’t come even later. Like tomorrow.” Kyo said, evidencing his annoyance.

“Good morning sunshine!” Frey retorted sarcastically, while his friend glared. “I can’t help it. This one wouldn’t let me go. You should be thankful I escaped her claws in time for lunch.”

“I already lunched alone yesterday. It wouldn’t have made that much of a difference.” Kyo mumbled upset.

“Really? Pity I didn’t know that, otherwise I could have had another round with her!” Frey nagged frustrated while Kyo groaned upset not wanting to create any mental image of that kind. “What’s you problem, anyway? Oh, I know! You are jealous.” Frey accused grinning playfully, while he sat opposite Kyo.

“I am not jea-… Arg! Just forget it!” Kyo tried to focus again in his math exercises, but he could feel Frey’s eyes piercing on his head. “What?!”

“Just spit it out.” Frey said looking a bit more serious. “I can sense the tension all around you.”

“I was worried about you!” Kyo confessed loudly.

“Are you mothering me again?” Frey asked, feeling both amused and a bit guilty for his friend’s concern. Kyo stared at him exasperated, groaned frustrated and closed his math book. There was no way he could concentrate today. “Look, I’m sorry, okay? But you shouldn’t be locked up here the whole weekend studying and…doing the laundry.” Frey said when he saw a pile of washed clothes, neatly ironed and folded.

“I went out yesterday afternoon with some people from my class, all right? It’s not like I’m a hermit.” Kyo retorted. “It just annoys me that you simply disappear and never say anything!”

“I’ll text you the next time, all right?” Frey said diplomatically, not in the mood of having a fight with the hot-headed Japanese. He stood up, headed to the refrigerator and picked out the ingredients to cook lunch. He was already chopping the vegetables when he noticed Kyo was silent for a long while. So he turned around and noticed his friend was looking troubled. “Kyo? You are not still upset because of me coming later, are you?” It was more a statement than a question. Kyo lifted his head and looked stunned for some moments, wondering since when he was this transparent. He then avoided his friend’s gaze and Frey was sure something was on, so he sat back on the chair. “What’s truly bothering you?” There was a long heavy silence as Kyo hesitated. He looked at his friend, who was now the one with the look of concern on his face. He knew he could trust him.

“Alice broke up with me.” He dryly said.

“WHAT?!” Frey looked genuinely surprised and even fell back from his chair. “How? When did this happen?”

“Yesterday evening. I went to an internet café and Skyped.” Kyo said looking down.

“Why didn’t you call me?” Frey said shocked and Kyo was about to justify. “I could have already booked a ticket to Japan!” The blond saw stars when Kyo punched him right on his face.

“There is just no cure for you, is there?”

“Shit, you have an iron fist… But why did she break up with you? I though she was in love with you and only needed some time to think about things.” Frey questioned confused and Kyo sighed.

“That’s what I thought too. But she said our distance made her realize she didn’t see a future with us together. She said she still liked me as a friend but that’s all. To be honest, I’m not really surprised. She was already avoiding me back in Japan.”

“And how do you feel about all of this?”

“I was upset at first. But then, I kind of felt relieved. That’s odd, isn’t it?”

“Uhm… Not really.” Frey said for Kyo’s surprise. “I think you two had to fight so much to be together, that every time you were hindered of expressing your feelings, the need to be together just intensified out of proportions and you created high expectations. When you finally got to be together, you achieved the price you longed so much and struggled so hard for. After that, having no more motivation to fight for your relationship…Well, I guess the feeling just died of.” Frey stood up and rested his hand on his friend’s shoulder. “It’s sad, but it happens. You’ll get over it.” Kyo remained a while silenced, Frey’s words sinking in his mind.

“Did you ever experience something like this?” He asked, because what his Lotis mentor had just told him was the truth he felt in his heart.

“I’ve been through some hardships, but nothing of this kind.” Frey clarified. He stood with his back to his friend, busy again with the cooking. “You should go out with me this Friday night. It would do you good to meet other girls. Even if it’s only to talk.” He said, while he turned to face Kyo, anticipating his protest. The Japanese opened and closed his mouth, unable to think of anything to object. “It shouldn’t be too hard for you anyway, with that face of yours.” Frey said casually. Kyo remained seated, his face resting on his hand for a while, thinking about Frey’s words. And then his final comment sunk in.

“Oh my God! You think I’m handsome!” Kyo yelled in shock. Frey merely turned to face him with an arched eyebrow. He turned back to his task, shaking his head but not adding a word. “Are you bisexual or something?” Kyo yelled scandalized. Frey remained quiet, chopping the last vegetables and putting them in a pan. “Oh shit! You _are_ bisexual! Your silence confirms it!” Kyo accusingly yelled, sounding completely freaked out while the other merely stirred the food. “Oh my God! I shared my bedroom with you! You saw me naked! And you kissed me! Twice!!!”

“For the record: the first one I assure you was an accident, the second was just to piss you off.” Frey said in his defense, while he turned to face his pale friend, his left hand on his hip, while he held the spoon on the other. “If I would want to seduce you, I would already have, so you don’t need to make all that fuss.”

“Shit! I’m shocked. I don’t even know why I’m shocked in the first place, I shouldn’t be surprised you would chase anything having two legs!”

“Stop making all that drama. It only happened once anyway. Its girls I like!”

“Ugh! So you did it? With a guy?” Kyo asked feeling absolutely disgusted. Frey glared at his friend, turned around and proceeded with the cooking, preferring to ignore Kyo. “How did you even come to the thought of it, in the first place, if its girls you like so much?” The Japanese questioned, unable to conform to the whole idea.

“I didn’t. It just…happened.” Frey muttered and Kyo could sense the awkwardness in his friend’s voice.

“Who did you - do it with?” The Japanese asked, curious. Frey was silenced and continued stirring the pan’s contents. Kyo could see the tension build on his friend’s shoulders. Suddenly, he realized in shock. “Eric.” He whispered and Frey halted with the stirring for a few moments and then proceeded again. He sighed heavily.

“He saved my life. Gave me hope when I lost it. Took care of me when nobody else wanted me… I hadn’t even realized I had feelings for him until…well, you know.” Frey confessed with a melancholic voice. “I was as old as you are now.” He said with a sad chuckle. “I’ll never know if his feelings were true back then, or if it was all manipulation so he could strike harder later on.” Frey said while he turned off the gas.

“I’m sorry.” Kyo said, feeling really bad for his friend. He realized now, Frey’s words before Eric’s death had meant much more than a friendship or a brotherly love type. But Eric was already too far out of reach, and even Frey’s deepest and most sincere feelings failed to touch his cold heart. He could only imagine how broken Frey must have felt during that moment. “I really am.”

“Ah, life is full of surprises and disappointments. In the end, all we can do is chose how we deal with them.” Frey wisely said while he picked up the pan to put it on the table. “Lunch is ready.” He announced and Kyo knew it was his way of ending this subject. Although, he was still a bit shaken by today’s revelations, Kyo respected his friend’s wishes and the topic wasn’t brought up again.

 


	11. Try and fool the world

**_All of the helplessness inside_ **

**_Pretending I don't feel misplaced_ **

**_It's so much simpler than change_ **

** Linkin Park **

 

Of course Kyo refused to go out Friday night that week, just like he did the following and the week after that. The Japanese though it was unbelievable how persistent his friend could be and wondered if it was dumbness, overrated optimism or mere stubbornness that make him continue with the insistence. At least Frey had now the decency of texting him when he was away so he didn’t need to imagine all kinds of disastrous scenarios involving his Lotis mentor anymore.

 The raven-haired boy wondered when he started befriending with Frey. He remembered very well hating him completely at the beginning, finding the blond’s behavior obnoxiously irritating. When did that stop to be instead replaced by friendship? They created a strong bond, one he never shared with anybody else, not even with Kazuki. Maybe it was because of their similar pasts. Maybe it was because they understood each other. Were familiar with the pain of being alone, rejected, unwanted. And learned to surpass it. Yes, maybe it was that. And so, maybe they allowed themselves to open their scared hearts and trust each other.

Trust.

Yes, that was what made Kyo befriend with Frey. Because, despite their differences and opposite personalities, it was mutual trust that had brought them together. And Kyo somehow had the feeling this trust they shared grew stronger by the day.

…

Kyo had mixed feelings and wasn’t sure he wanted to go to the Oslo’s Garden Centre with Niels. His fellow student had to buy some flower seeds for the next season and Kyo had the urge to refuse the invitation to come along. Which was ridiculous, since Niels knew Kyo’s “room-mate” worked there and the chance they would meet him was very big. He had the feeling Frey wouldn’t appreciate Kyo’s detour either. So the Japanese ended up accompanying Niels and was already working himself up. He was worried about the kind of stuff Frey would say to his fellow student. After all, he didn’t seem to have a filter in his brains, since he said everything that came to his mind. When they entered the store, Kyo couldn’t help having the strange feeling he was trespassing Frey’s territory. Which he thought, again, was ridiculous. This was merely the place where Frey worked in, nothing more.

“See your friend anywhere?” Niels asked.

“No. And I don’t know in which department he works. I never imagined this place to be this huge.” Kyo confessed. It was true, the store was large, divided in several different sections, each area dedicated to different types of plants, decorations and garden supplies. 

“Don’t worry, we’ll ask one of the staff.” Niels, who was always helpful, suggested. “I need help anyway. My mother will kill me if I come home with the wrong stuff.”

Said and done. After Niels acquired what he needed, they asked for Frey’s whereabouts. The man who had attended them smiled instantly at the mention of the blond’s name and told them where to find him. Frey was with his back to them when they arrived, standing in front of a series of boxes and in deep discussion with a girl that was holding a bunch of papers in her hand.

“Hey.” Kyo greeted. Frey and his colleague turned around to see who it was.

“Kyo? What are you doing here?” Frey asked smiling after a few seconds of surprise.

“Niels had to buy some stuff and I came along.” Kyo answered almost shyly.

“Ah, I finally get to meet you, Niels.” Frey said laughingly, while he and Niels shook hands. “He’s behaving himself at school, I assume?” Frey asked in Norwegian and Kyo, who meanwhile had learned enough to understand his words, felt the blood go right up to his ears.

“Yeah, always.” Niels cordially answered with a smile, unaware of Kyo’s embarrassment.

“I see you are still your old boring self.” Frey told Kyo in Japanese, worsening the dark-haired boy’s bad-temper.

Meanwhile a third staff member walked over to them, asking something about the papers Frey and the girl were debating a while ago. The three engaged in a loud discussion about what was and wasn’t right, gesturing their arms around, pointing from the papers to the boxes and back to the papers. Niels and Kyo switched worried looks, both wondering if they simply should let them to work. But after a short while, the girl finally figured out the problem.  She gave Frey and the other man a slap on their arms.

“You morons! I ask for help and instead you only make me more confused!” She complained, while Frey laughed at her irritation and the other man looked somehow offended.

“Hey, I want to introduce you to Kyo and Niels.” Frey suddenly said, breaking the ice. He explained briefly who they were and soon Kyo learned that the girl’s name was Tarja and the man’s was Alan.

“Are you enjoying your stay in Oslo?” Alan asked and Kyo nodded.

“Have you already been to the fjords?” Was Tarja’s turn to ask. She immediately tasked Frey to take Kyo a day out to Vestland, before his friend would return to his country, scandalized the boy hadn’t seen their natural wonders yet.

“And how do you manage to live under the same roof of our hyper energetic jam-freak friend?” Alan asked teasingly.

“Hey! Knock it off!” Frey protested, while the taller man messed his hair. Frey’s interaction with Tarja and Alan reminded Kyo of the time they were with Billy, Mei-Lin and Chris. He smiled amused, wondering how they were and missing their company. They laughed and talked for a while, but then the trio had to go back to work. Just before they paid their goodbyes, Frey managed to strike Kyo an unexpected blow. “Guys, Kyo is joining us this Friday!” The blond enthusiastically announced.

“What?!” Kyo yelled in Japanese.

“That’s cool. We’ll see you then.” Tarja happily said before she left.

“See you on Friday, Kyo.” Alan called, while he waved goodbye. Kyo was already giving the death glare to Frey when the blond placed the cherry on the top of the cake.

“Niels, would you like to join us too this Friday?”

“Sure. It will be fun!” Niels, ignorant of Kyo’s distress agreed immediately. Frey waved them goodbye with a wide triumphant smile plastered on his face. He knew Kyo would probably try to murder him at home, but he had achieved his goal. He finally succeeded in getting Kyo out of the house at Friday and this time, he could not escape it.

…

Kyo sat feeling a bit nervous, as it was the first time he actually went to a bar. Although it was quiet, with lounge areas away from the noise so it was possible to have a normal conversation; he still felt uncomfortable. He wondered what his uncle Yuki would say if he would see him now. He would probably cheer and celebrate for his nephew was finally socializing with others. Kyo had to groan inwardly at the thought.

Alan had brought his fiancée Anita, who was four months pregnant and the reason for the location’s choice. Tarja was also there, just like Niels, who brought his girlfriend Camila. She attended almost all classes with Kyo, so he was glad there was a third person he was familiar with. Drinks were ordered and the friends chatted merrily. After an hour, Kyo’s head was pounding from the background music, the Norwegian talk (he had to strain his ears and brains to be able to follow the conversations) and the Mojito he just got in. So when Alan said he was going outside to smoke a cigarette, Kyo offered to accompany, as he desperately needed some fresh air.

“Feeling alright, Kyo?” Alan asked concerned, as Kyo deeply inhaled the cold air, while he leaned on the wall.

“Yeah, was feeling a bit dizzy. But I’m better now.” He said in the best Norwegian he could master and Alan nodded, while he lighted his cigarette.

“Good. I was hoping to be able to talk with you alone.” Alan said and Kyo looked up surprised. “I’m glad you came to live with Frey. It’s doing him good. He was pretty shaken when he returned from Japan. Did you know Eric, his guardian, died while he was away? It was really sudden, some cardiac problem.” Alan said while he exhaled the smoke in the air. So this was the version Frey had given to his friends. It must have been hard, the need to conceal the truth, but he was sure nobody would ever believe in the real version.

“Yes, I knew about his death. But I didn’t know he was his guardian.” Kyo admitted.

“He was. Nobody in his family wanted Frey after he got too fresh with his cousin. I guess he was labeled as a problematic kid. He was supposed to be put into the system, but Eric offered to be his guardian and take care of him. Honestly, I don’t think he did that much to help Frey.”

“Why not?”

“Well, in first place, the guy was more concerned Frey would work than have an education. Frey never finished school, has no degrees, absolutely nothing. And that’s a clever kid we are talking about. I mean, how many 19 year-old speak perfect English, German, Spanish and, so to see, Japanese too?” Alan shook his head in disdain and took another puff from his cigarette. “Eric allowed Frey to live with him the first year. Big deal! As soon as he became 16, he had to move out because he had reached the allowed minimum age to work 8 hours a day. So the kid lived in a small shared student room until he had enough money to move to that shithole of a neighborhood he lives in now.” Kyo stared a bit stunned not knowing this part of Frey’s background.

“I don’t think Frey is used to receive much help from others. Probably the little Eric did meant a great deal to him. I lost my parents when I was 12 and know how easy it is to become independent and rely completely on yourself.”

“You understand him. That’s good. You probably reach him.” Kyo stared a bit confused, not really understanding what the other man meant. “We all noticed how depressive he was after he returned. He tried to hide it, of course, acting all cheerful and stuff. But it were during the short silent moments that you could see he was dying from inside. And believe me, we tried to make him talk. But he never opens himself to nobody. It’s like he shuts his heart completely from others and doesn’t let anybody in. That’s why I was surprised to see him recover so suddenly last month. You were how long in Olso? A few weeks?”

Kyo nodded, remembering Frey’s breakdown. Frey was now sleeping and eating better, so his fragile health had improved significantly. “Frey is a loner. I know it sounds strange, because he gets on with everybody. But in the reality, there are very few people he will truly consider a friend. But I think you are one of them.” Alan concluded while he threw the cigarette’s point on the floor and stepped on it. “Better go back inside. You’re getting all red from the cold.” Kyo followed the man silently. He knew he wasn’t red from the cold, but from the speed his heart was pumping his blood in his veins. And he had the feeling it didn’t have anything to do with the Mojito either.

 


	12. Affectioned greeting

Frey entered his apartment with difficulty. The weight of Kyo’s body, who leaned half unconsciously on him; made the whole process of taking the keys out of the pocket, sticking them in the key whole, opening the door and walking through it; quite challenging. It had become more than obvious that Kyo was absolutely not familiar with alcohol. Frey had only realized his friend was drunken when he started talking and laughing like a normal person. It had been quite funny to see Kyo loosen himself up. But it had been even funnier to listen to his incoherent tales, as he blended Norwegian with Japanese.

Frey had not had the heart to stay in the bar, like he always did after his friends headed back home. It was unthinkable to leave Kyo in the deplorable state he had gotten himself in. So he accepted Tarja’s offer in driving them back home. When they arrived, Frey thanked the gods the elevator was working this time. After paying goodbye to the girl, Frey dragged Kyo to his apartment. If it weren’t for the fact Kyo was becoming heavier by each step, Frey would have laughed his head off from the situation. Because Kyo was singing some unidentifiable music with an extremely slurred voice. The blond finally managed to drag his drunken friend to the bedroom and both collapsed on the bed.

“Shit Kyo! You’re damn heavy.” Frey complained panting. He was leaning a bit over Kyo, resting his arms from the efforts, each hand next to the other boy’s shoulders.

“Frey?” Kyo mumbled low and Frey came closer to listen to him better.

“What?” Frey asked. Before he had time to react, Kyo pressed his hand behind the blond’s head, pushing him to his face, so their lips met. Frey had his eyes widened, felt all the blood rise to his face and made a sound of protest. He practically jumped back afterwards. “What the Hell?” Frey yelled angrily. But then he paralyzed and his heart panged. Kyo was staring at him with an expression of tenderness.

“Stay with me tonight.” Kyo asked in a whisper. The look in his eyes had never been this soft. Frey swallowed dry and stared at him for some moments with a saddened expression.

“Oh, Kyo. You are drunken.”  He whispered, while he stared with pity at his friend. “You know not what you say.” Frey gently wiped some black strands from Kyo’s forehead and gave a soft kiss on it. He got up right after that and left the room without looking a second time at Kyo, who had fallen asleep with a smile on his lips.

…

Kyo woke up with the horrible feeling his head would split in two. He groaned sorely as he turned on his bed. A horrible sharp sunlight infiltrated through the curtains, increasing the pain. Kyo wished it was dark. Suddenly, he felt his stomach revolve and quickly jumped from the bed, running to the toilet. He made it just in time and vomited last night’s contents. Then he coughed and puked a second time. After that, he let himself collapse on the tiled floor, panting heavily but feeling quite relieved. Frey, who was in the living room at that moment, had been expecting this. He quietly headed to the bathroom to find Kyo lying on the floor, looking as white as a ghost.

“Come Kyo, you shouldn’t lay on the cold floor.” Frey calmly said, while he bent over to help his friend get up.

“I’m dying!!!” Kyo moaned afflicted.

“No you’re not. You just have a hangover.” Frey whispered while he guided his friend to the couch.

Kyo felt horribly sick. His head was pounding insanely. He didn’t understand why the light was so sharp everywhere. They reached the couch and he lied down, pressing his head against its back and closed his eyes. Short after, he heard some rumbling coming from the kitchen. The smallest sound seemed to intensify tremendously, transforming into a hard and thunderous noise.

So this was how a hangover felt. How his uncle would rejoice today for his nephew to finally act and do typical and reckless things like any other teenager. Kyo repressed a groan, having heard enough stories about people that did the most ridiculous things when they were drunken. So he tried to reconstruct last evening’s events in his mind. He could quite recall everything that happened. He remembered being in the bar. He remembered drinking. He remembered having fun. He remembered getting back home. He remembered being unable to walk, so his friend had to practically carry him through the house. It was odd. The comforting feeling his friend’s natural scent gave him back then. Just like the warmth his body emanated. And then the memory of soft lips against his hit him hard. Kyo’s heart skipped a few times. A wave of angst swept all over his body. He felt dizzy. It couldn’t be true! He had certainly dreamt it.

“Kyo, sit up.” Frey instructed in a low tone but Kyo jumped at his voice. He looked perturbed at his friend, just realizing what had happened the previous night. The golden-haired boy stared back at him a bit confused and approached him cautiously. “I brought you tea.” Frey said in a guarded manner, talking like if Kyo was a dangerous hurt animal. “It will calm down your stomach.”

It took some moments for Kyo to realize what his friend was offering him. He sat up with some difficultly and only then did he notice how badly his hands were shaking. No wonder Frey was giving him that concerned look. Kyo drank the tea slowly. How he wished his friend wasn’t sitting next to him. How he wished he wasn’t staring at him with those large worried eyes. It would be easier if he just wasn’t there right now. Because Kyo needed to time to digest the image that kept repeating over and over in his mind.

Kyo had kissed Frey.

Willingly.

After a short while, Frey got up and returned to the kitchen. Kyo’s eyes followed him and he wondered. Did it really happen or was it just a dream? It must have been a dream, otherwise why would he kiss Frey? But then, why would he dream kissing Frey in the first place? Okay, so dreams weren’t something we can control, but still. His heart shot when Frey returned to the couch. Kyo thought he must be giving his friend a panicked look, since Frey eyed him warily. He presented him a plate with two toasts with butter. Kyo made a sound of protest when he saw the food and tried to push it away.

“You need to eat. Believe me, you’ll feel better afterwards.” Frey insisted quietly.

 Frey had never been this patient with him before. Was it because of the hangover or was it because of the kiss? Kyo, hated the tension this silence was building. Hated the way Frey gazed at him. Kyo felt watched. Like if the green eyes were searching his soul. So he picked up one of the toasts and brought it to his mouth. Anything to detour Frey’s attention from him. The first bites were horrible. The bread tasted like paper, felt dry in his mouth and was hard to swallow. But half way, slowly the palate returned and the bread became soft and light. When he finished the second toast, he did feel a little bit better. A little bit stronger. But his mind still plagued him.

Kyo had kissed Frey.

Willingly.

And it had felt so right, when it should had felt so wrong.

He couldn’t hold it back any longer. He needed to understand why. To know what for repercussions the damn kiss would have in their friendship. But first he needed to know for sure if the kiss was real or just a dream.

“Frey?” He asked in a hoarse whisper. “Did I do anything stupid last night?” He nervously asked and looked at his friend’s face so he could read it. He thought he saw a flash of sadness sweep Frey’s young features, but it had been so fleeting, Kyo was sure his mind was playing tricks on him.

“Well…Yes.” Frey said, avoiding his gaze. Kyo stared at him expectantly, his heart beating faster, his throat becoming dryer. “You got up on a table and stripped while dancing.”

“W-What?!” Kyo asked disturbed after taking some seconds to realize what his friend had just said. But then Frey started laughing.

“I’m sorry. I’m just joking! You did nothing of the sort.” He said still giggling. Kyo was too shocked and too sick to hit him this time and Frey stood up unharmed for a change. He picked up the empty plate and mug from the table and headed to the kitchen.

“So I didn’t do anything out of the ordinary?”

“It depends what you define as _out of the ordinary_.” Frey said while he washed the plate. “To be honest, it was the first time I saw you act as a normal teenager.” Kyo groaned at the comment, but had to admit his friend was right. He did not exactly behave like the average teenager.

“I mean, did I do something of the … awkward kind.” Kyo took a deep breath. He needed to be brave and stop with all the hesitations. “Like when we arrived home.” Kyo’s heart seemed to want to burst from his chest. He observed Frey expectantly, who was still standing with his back to him. Frey’ hands stopped with their movements when the question was put out in the open. It was a very short pause and lasted only a few little seconds, but was enough for Kyo to notice. It was enough for Kyo to understand. And now he knew for sure. He swallowed dry. The kiss had happened. It had been real and not a dream.

“You were practically unconscious when we arrived.” Frey neutrally said as he rinsed the mug under the water. He turned around wiping his hands on his trousers. “What could you possibly do in that state?” He questioned, in a casual manner, never meeting Kyo’s eyes.

But Kyo knew Frey too well. He knew the blond was lying. He was concealing the embarrassing, confusing and awkward reality. For him. For both of them. Because Frey had figured out Kyo remembered the kiss. And instead of acknowledging it, he acted like it never happened. It was so not of Frey to run away from the truth. Normally, he would have dismissed it and even joked about it. But he didn’t. And now Kyo was plagued with another thousand questions. Why did Frey lie? Did the kiss mean something for him?  Why did Frey engage in a game of pretend? And why was he agreeing in playing along? Kyo lay back on the couch feeling exhaustion wash over him and closed his eyes. His last thought before surrendering into slumber, was how such a small thing like a kiss could have such a great impact?


	13. Meditation of the heart

The days that followed had been awkward. Kyo looked for hidden meanings behind every move, action or speech coming from the golden-haired boy. He was always in the expectation that Frey would give him any hint about his thoughts concerning the kiss. Because the uncertainty was killing him. He thought first that pretending the kiss had never happened was the easiest path to take, but he ended up discovering that it made life even more agonizing. It left too many questions open, too many questions unanswered.

Frey had, on the other side, become a closed book. Once Kyo could easily know what his Lotis mentor was thinking or feeling. He could always anticipate his next move. Frey was that transparent. But lately, there was an unfamiliar guarded atmosphere around him, even if he still behaved in his carefree manner. Kyo noticed this in very subtle glances, silences and well-thought choice of words. He wondered if Frey, just like him, struggled to understand what had happened that night. To understand the reason it had happened. Because Kyo didn’t. The very reason he restarted his meditating exercises. Calligraphy always had helped him organize his thoughts and establish the goals for his days. He needed to answer the question that burned his soul.

Why had he kissed Frey?

Kyo had first tried to wipe away the incident from his mind. After all, it wasn’t the first time their lips met. Kyo and Frey had already quite the collection of kisses. Kyo tried to convince himself, just like the other times, this kiss had no meaning. Tried to believe it had been just a silly moment of drunkenness, nothing more. He tried, but didn’t succeed. Every time he would rewind his memories to that very night, he was confronted with the incomprehensible reality. The kiss had been an impulsive act. And it had felt right. It had been good.

As he dwelled further in his contemplations, Kyo realized, it wasn’t his drunken impulse that was really bothering him. It was something else. He realized it were the feelings around the kiss he received from Frey that were truly troubling him. It had been the softest, almost imperceptible, touch on his forehead. But what he felt that moment was so profound, so overwhelming, so perfect. It was sweet but intense, it was tender but intoxicating. A small touch that had the power to wash away all his fears and worries. Kyo had never felt so safe in his life before. He had never experienced such tranquility. And all this frightened him. Because he never had experienced such a thing in his life. Kyo needed to understand what these feelings meant. Needed to understand what had caused them. He drew perfect black lines on the white paper and wrote the first thing that up came to his mind.

 _Understanding_.

Alan’s words outside the bar repeated themselves in his head. Frey was a loner, but he opened himself to Kyo. Because, when they were together, words weren’t necessary. They never needed to describe intricate concepts like abandonment, loneliness, treachery, fear, pain. They both had experienced them. They both knew how it felt. They truly understood its essence. And so they understood each other.

 _Trust_.

Frey trusted Kyo because he was understood. Kyo trusted Frey because he knew he could share his deepest and darkest secrets without ever being judged or pitied. He trusted Frey like he never trusted anybody else in his life. Sure Frey was irritating and too straightforward, but he was also a man of integrity. He knew Frey would never betray him, no matter how bad things were.

 _Complicity_.

It was the combination of understanding and trust that generated a sincere and strong friendship. Kyo first hated Frey, then he tolerated him, then gained empathy for the older boy. And then their friendship flourished. Kyo recognized the meaning of this friendship went much deeper than the word itself. It had become more than just sharing good and bad moments. It had become more than giving advice and helping each other. It had become more than watching each other’s back. It had become a need of being together, of depending and relying on each other, of being the strength for the other.

_Complementary._

Kyo furrowed his brow as he drew the character without thinking. They were actually, quite the opposite of each other. Their personalities were so extremely different that they clashed constantly. There was not one day they wouldn’t argue or fight. But afterwards, peace would naturally install itself again. Kyo realized, despite their constant quarrels they accepted their differences. They accepted their faults and never tried to change each other. Instead, they compensated each other. Frey was calmer around him and he was more sociable around Frey. And there were quite some similar situations he could think off. Yes, they were opposite, but also complementary.

Kyo sat staring at the four papers, at the four calligraphies, stunned with his own conclusions. There was only one sentiment he could come up with that combined all these feelings together. He could feel his heart beating faster at the realization of it. He had to think of Mayura. How he was unable to correspond her feelings, because all he felt for her was friendship. He had to think of Alice. The sweet, caring and affable girl he thought he had given his heart to, only to discover later on, he had lived nothing more than a strong infatuation. Kyo thought he knew love, but he didn’t. Not like Frey did. Even though Frey’s past relationships were absolutely forbidden by all social standards, his feelings had been unquestionably true and pure. He had truly loved Ida and Eric.

And then Kyo finally understood. Everything he thought about love was wrong. It was not about being with somebody you liked, but about being with somebody you bonded. It was not about finding somebody with common interests and personality, but about accepting somebody as a whole, with both qualities and faults. It was not about having stimulating conversations, but knowing how to talk without words.

_Love_

Love knows no rules and breaks all barriers. Love is about contradiction. It is the welcome uninvited guest. The wrong that becomes right. The impossible that becomes possible. The most desired unwanted turn in one’s live. Love comes without any warning. Unexpected. Undeniable. Love simply happens.

Kyo swallowed dry, knowing for sure now, it could only be love that he felt for his Lotis mentor. He suspected that Frey had gone by the same thing when he discovered he loved Eric. The sentiment had evolved unnoticed. And now the Japanese truly had no idea what to do. Should he profess his love for the blond or not? Because now he was scared. Of how the other boy would react. If his love would be answered or rejected. Or the impact it would have on their friendship. Because it could go both ways: strengthen it or crush it completely.

Kyo was so deep in his thoughts he had completely shut his mind from the world. Suddenly he felt something touch the point of his nose. He opened his eyes with a startle to see the object of his troubles staring back at him with widened eyes and holding a brush. He had a strong dejá-vu (and was sure Frey was having it too, by the look of his face) and hit the blond’s hand annoyed.

“I never know if you are sleeping or not when you do this.” Frey honestly stated with a shake of his hand, while he sat opposite him with his legs crossed. “I thought it odd you had not acknowledged me when I arrived home, but ignoring my incessant calling for dinner… Now, how that escaped you? I have no idea.” Kyo stared back a bit surprised, not realizing he had been so long busy with his meditation. Frey gave him a look mixed with annoyance and amusement. He got up and patted his friend’s shoulder. “Come on, I cooked pasta today.”

They chatted endlessly while eating, Frey as usual doing the most of the talking and forcing Kyo to answer his ceaseless questions. Kyo knew it was his lack of patience towards Frey’s blunt comments that made the blond laugh. He also knew Frey laughed from amusement and was never ill-intentioned. And somehow, he felt honored with idea that he could make that wide smile appear by simply shrinking his eyes or furrowing his brow.

Why change things when they are already so perfect? Why risk and destroy such a valuable friendship? Kyo had to admit he loved Frey’s crazy loud manners, positive energy and stupidities, as much as he tried to deny it all. He loved their easy comradeship, their wordless confidence and relaxed company.  He loved the way their friendship was and wished to preserve it. So, and for the first time, he kept a secret from Frey.

 

 


	14. Waiting in the shadows

I'm waiting to be,

Broken Inside,

Losing my mind.

Gasping for life,

Crashing through tides.

That drive me to find,

The darkness behind,

Will never run dry.

** Broken Iris **

****

It was a violent battle. The Marams that had seemed to be weakening weeks ago were now stronger than ever. The Scandinavian Sanctuary was unrecognizable under the black sickening tendrils of hundreds of Marams. The two teenagers witnessed with horror how Eric’s infinite hatred for the world had left its marks deeply rooted in the building’s foundations. The war was on. It always was. For many centuries already.

Lotis and Marams words are long forgotten to the world. But not their meaning. They still translate feelings and reach the core of the sentiment the same way they did millennia ago. That’s why they have the power to do good or bad. Because everybody has a dark side and a side of goodness. But in this continuous war, Darkness is always in the attack, while Light is always in the defense. In the end, we are the ones to decide which side we’ll take. Sometimes we choose willingly, other times by manipulation and by force. No matter how hard or difficult it would be, Eric’s goal was to bring Frey’s soul to the dark side.

What Eric achieved was rare and for long thought impossible. He succeeded in accomplishing the most difficult and complex task a Maram Master could ever thrive. Eric cursed the Sanctuary with Marams. He tainted its floors and walls with the blood of innocent souls. He doomed the space with his traitorous deeds and words. But ultimately, it was his death that completed his destructive task. He offered himself as a sacrifice to the Darkness. And so, when he died, his black soul merged with the material elements of the Sanctuary. All these months Eric’s haunted soul lived in a dormant state in the very core of the building. It grew in it, fed from it, evolved from it. While Eric’s presence was too subtle to be sensed by the Lotis Masters, it were his very reminiscences that attracted Marams to the sacred grounds. He needed them, for they worked as a distraction. While Frey and Kyo were focused in expelling the Marams, Eric’s soul gradually became stronger until he became a Maram himself, so dark and vile, his powers rivaled with Darva’s. And today, Eric was finally reborn from the shadows.

During today’s battle, Kyo came to the bitter realization that the reason he and his Lotis mentor failed in banishing the Marams permanently, was the connection between Frey and Eric. Their bond had been strong during life and survived beyond the barriers of death. But the Lotis Group had been ignorant about this. They weren’t aware of the hidden power behind Eric’s final actions. And so, oblivious to the danger, the Lotis Order fell right into Eric’s perfidious trap and sent Frey into the lion’s lair. The moment Frey engaged in the rebuilding of the Scandinavian Sanctuary, he unknowingly triggered the battle against Eric. A battle between Lotis and Marams, between light and darkness, between good and evil.

During the heat of the battle, the ghostly image of Eric suddenly emerged from the black shadows. While the Maram Master whispered dark words of pain and fear, Kyo somehow managed to enter in his mind and read Eric’s perverted thoughts. Memories of a time of anguish and doom were revealed. A time when a scared and weakened Lotis Master succumbed into despair. Darva, recognizing his anguish, promised Eric an end to his physical and emotional suffering.

Eric already envied Frey by then. Because the young boy was everything he ever desired to be. Frey had the looks and the spirit, the wit and the talent, the energy and the health. Frey was blessed with life, while he was doomed to die. And then the boy that nobody wanted, the boy he saved from a bitter winter storm, became the prodigy child. Frey surpassed him and everybody else and became the star of the Scandinavian Sanctuary. It was unfair. It was the last drop. Eric’s already fueled envy transformed into hatred. This hatred became so overwhelming, so unimaginably unbearable, that there was only one way of getting rid of it. By damaging Frey’s soul and bringing it into the Darkness. 

Kyo discovered Eric’s wicked intentions were born in the day he surrendered completely to Darva. He plotted a twisted plan and spun his web to ensnare his pupil in it. Eric had seen Frey’s most vulnerable side. He knew, despite his everlasting cheerful mood, Frey was lonely and in constant need of love. Because there was so much love that young heart wanted to give. And this would be his destruction. Eric was cruel. He deceived the blond with sweet illusions and empty words. Pretended to care for him and fed Frey with false hopes. Until the boy loved him unconditionally. And then, Eric waited, in the dark, patiently, for the day he would crush Frey’s heart, steal his hopes and extinguish his strength. 

Kyo blinked several times, shocked with the revelations presented to him. He had no idea how he got in Eric’s mind and saw his past, his dark thoughts. He didn’t know if it was because of the Lotis word he had spoken, _Paasa_ , meaning “Determination”. Because it also meant “Truth”. Or did Eric let him see his vile plan willingly only to mock him? It didn’t matter, because right now, the Marams were doing everything in their power to separate Kyo from Frey. He knew their goal was to weaken both of them through isolation, kill the Neo-master and trap his mentor. Eric would finally shatter Frey’s soul and have full power over it. Kyo needed to protect his Lotis mentor. Needed to save him from Eric. Because the blond had no idea what was happening. All he knew was that he was seeing Eric’s face right in front of him, in a transformed monstrous body. 

“He’s a Maram!” Kyo shouted. “Don’t come near him!”

“How is it possible?” Frey asked completely in shock and let himself be pulled by Kyo, who dragged his mentor out of the chaos. He shouted determinately Lotis words, while he shot his arrows skillfully. He heard Frey’s voice close behind him and smiled as he saw the way his friend succeeded in afflicting the Marams. But they were too many. Suddenly, the ground beneath them started to shake vigorously, the floor giving itself away in large blocks of stone, falling into a dark whirlpool. “Shit! They’ll do anything to kill us…” Frey murmured to himself, ignoring the fact it was Eric’s voice uttering the Marams. “Kyo! We need to use the Forgotten Words! Otherwise we are finished!”

 A loud noise filled the air and Kyo watched petrified as the ground underneath him started to crumble. He managed to jump back to a piece of solid ground and watched the rest disappear in the whirlpool. He lifted his head and breathed relieved when he saw Frey had escaped too. But they were now standing on two wobbly separate blocks. Kyo’s eyes suddenly widened as he saw a black tendril emerge from behind his friend. Frey noticing the Japanese’s gaze, turned around just in time and knew how to defend himself. A second tendril came, then a third. Each one being counteracted by powerful Lotis words. But ultimately, a swift tendril wrapped itself tightly around Frey’s waist.

Time slowed down till it stopped completely. The noises around them faded away. All that remained were their locked gazes. Kyo looked scared, truly believing this was the end. They would die today and would fail the world. Eric would grow stronger and bring a new age of darkness and terror. Frey read the surrender in his friend’s eyes and refused to accept this defeat. He was not one to give up easily.

“Kyo!” Frey looked determined and with great confidence at his friend. “You are a Neo-master! You are a chosen one. And I believe in you.”

While these words were spoken, Kyo watched with horror as the black tendril took Frey further into the shadows. The raven haired boy shouted Lotis words, _Jeta_ (Fight, Victory) _Utei_ (Lucidity, Brightness) and _Luta_ (Determination, Endurance) while he shot arrows at the creature. But it had no effect. Then he realized the tendrils were attached to Eric’s new body. He had grown too powerful and now he had Frey in his grasp. Kyo watched in despair as Frey was brought closer to his former Lotis mentor. He could hear the blond shout Lotis words, but just like Kyo’s they had no effect on Eric. Kyo could not lose Frey.

“Naamasu Sadarumaaram Lotis Sotiraan!” Kyo yelled the Forgotten Words with great power and watched as many Marams disintegrated in a bright light. The Japanese was jubilant. The ground stopped shaking, the horrible noise died out, the sickening stench diminished. But his victory was short lived. When the air became clear again, Eric stood in front of him in all his glory, colossal and powerful, still holding Frey captive. The Maram Master laughed maliciously, sending chills down Kyo’s spine.

“You silly Neo-master. So young. So naïve.” Eric said in a low whisper, but his voice echoed in the ample room. “Can’t you see your pathetic attacks are futile? They might kill Marams, but cannot harm me.” Kyo’s eyes widened when Eric’s lips spoke out a powerful Maram. He was sure he would have died, if it weren’t for the shield that protected him. He looked up surprised and saw Frey’s alarmed face in the distance. It had been him, his Lotis mentor, his best friend. Even though he was imprisoned in Eric’s clenches, he still managed to protect him.

“Do not give up, Kyo!” Frey yelled, encouraging him. Eric’s face contorted in pure loathing and despise.

“You saved you little friend’s life. How cute.” Eric said, while he brought Frey closer to him. “What is it this time? Love? Friendship? Loyalty?” Frey looked in shock at his former mentor, sensing the danger that was about to come and tried, in vain, to release himself from the strong grasp. “You sicken me, boy. Always so thoughtful, so optimistic, so brave! But what will happen, when you lose everything?” Frey stared back warily and Eric’s lips drew a sly smile. “Even if your friend lives, your precious Neo-master; how long do you think he will stay with you? Because, unlike you, he has people to go back to, people that love him. He has a family and good friends. He will return to them and you will be left behind. Again. Alone. Forgotten. Like always.”

“Do not listen to him! Frey!” Kyo shouted and repeated the Forgotten Words. He looked shocked as they didn’t even make a scratch on Eric. The Maram Master laughed at the failed attempt and savored the lost look in Frey’s eyes.

“That’s a lie.” Frey spoke in a meek voice.

“Is it?” Eric questioned, knowing he had already filled the boy’s heart with doubt. “Nobody wants you, Frey. Nobody ever did. It’s a shame you didn’t die that day with your parents. Then you wouldn’t have known how a life filled with rejection felt. How it hurt to try to be accepted. How it pained knowing that, as hard as you tried, it was never enough. It was never good enough. Your own family, Frey. They casted you away. Forever. There is no love out there for you, in this world. Not from family, not from friends, not from lovers.”

Eric’s words were pure poison and they pierced Frey’s heart. It stung so badly, Frey released a painful scream. Tears cascaded on his face, while he contorted from the torture. Far away, in a distant world, he could hear his name being shouted. Somebody yelling him not to listen to the dark words. But the voice didn’t reach him. “Frey.” The blond looked up to meet Eric’s tender look. “Nobody ever wanted you, but me. You remember, don’t you? How I saved you. How I cared for you. How I loved you. You still can find happiness. All you have to do is embrace the darkness.”

“Noooo! Frey!!! Do not listen to him!” Kyo desperately yelled, knowing he was losing him to the shadows. To Eric. “It’s a lie! There are many that care for you! You have friends that have become your family! Frey, you must listen to me!”

“Friends? Family?” Frey whispered confused and tiredly. Eric, angry with Kyo’s persistence, struck Kyo hard with Marams.

“Remember Chris? Billy and Mei-Lin? Alice? They all care for you! Just like Allan and Tarja.” Kyo managed to counter back Eric’s attacks, with difficulty, by shielding himself. “You have no idea how special you are! How your presence lightens up people’s lives like sunshine. How you bring hope, faith and courage when people are in the dark. You have no idea how much you are loved!”

“Umfr. Shallow words. Nothing but lies.” Eric whispered to Frey. “Tell me, dear boy, where are these friends he speaks of, right now? Where are they when you need them?” The Maram Master smiled when he felt his former pupil shiver under his grasp. “Do you know when they remember you? It’s when it’s convenient for them. It’s when they need you to do them a favor.”

Frey gasped for air as the pain in his chest pierced deeper and deeper into his soul, until it bled. “My poor Frey. You are in such suffering. In so much pain. And for what? For who? Join me in the darkness, and I promise, your pain will disappear. Take my hand. I promise you, you’ll find here all you ever wanted. All you ever wished for, all your desires and fantasies.” Eric seductively said while he offered his hand. Frey hesitated. A part of his brain urged him not to trust this man. Not to give into his sweet words. But he felt tired. So tired of fighting, of swimming against the stream all the time, of being strong. Trembling from the pain, Frey slowly raised his hand to meet Eric’s. The Maram Master smiled triumphantly.

“No!!! Frey! Don’t do it!!! I cannot lose you, Frey! I need you! I need you, Frey!” Kyo shouted in pure despair. “You need to believe me. You need to trust me. I care for you!” Feeling hopeless, he dropped to his knees with tears running down his face. “More than anything in my life.” He said in a low voice. But Kyo’s whisper travelled in the wind like a spring breeze till it reached Frey and touched his heart.

_You need to trust me._

_I care for you._

_More than anything in my life._

These words had been spoken with nothing but sincerity. They were true and filled with love. And it was this love that reached Frey’s wounded soul and healed it. The blonde felt the pain in his chest subside and his mind became clearer. _I trust you._ He lifted his head and met Eric’s deceitful eyes. With a determined look, Frey drew his hand back. Eric lifted his brow confused.

“No.” Frey whispered. Eric stared at him surprised, while Kyo’s head shot in their direction and stood up hopeful. “I am sorry, Eric. But I cannot go with you. There was a time I would have followed you anywhere. But not anymore.”

Frey sniffed and took a deep breath, finally understanding what he needed to say. What he needed to do. “I am so sorry you could not see what you once had. That you didn’t see you weren’t alone. I was there all the time. And I would have done anything for you. But you rejected me from your heart and instead chose the Darkness. I understand now, Eric. I had to embrace the darkness inside of my heart to finally find the light in it.”

Frey paused and looked directly into Eric’s perplexed eyes. “I cherish the memories of the time I spend with you. And I hold no regrets, but for the fact you didn’t let me in. I realize I must stop believing in your old lies, broken promises and shattered dreams. Even though I will never forget what you did, I can forgive you. I must, so I can move on. Protect myself. And learn to trust again.…. - I still love you. I probably will always do. But now I must let you go from my heart. Please, forgive me Eric. For what I am about to do.” Eric read the decided look in the green eyes and his face contorted in pure fury. He opened his mouth to utter the cursed Marams, but Frey’s voice muffed his.

_Naamasu Sadarumaaram Lotis Sotiraan._

The words had been spoken in a soft murmur, but they repeated themselves over and over in the air. By each echo, the sound became louder and louder. Eric screamed of hate, of frustration, of fear and of pain. When Frey’s words filled the air completely and became the only sound to be heard, a bright white light inundated the space in it’s totally. This pure white light remained for mere seconds, but felt like hours, days, years. But when it finally subsided, Eric’s shadowy form became lighter, until he finally vanished, with a shrilling scream. Then something wonderful happened. The broken stones placed themselves back on the walls. Fissures and holes were closed. All dirt, dust and greys were washed away and became a beautiful brilliant white. Playful lines of golden, warm indigos and burgundies decorated the columns and ceiling. The painted glass of the windows was restored and, even thought it was the middle of the night, the interior was illuminated by a warm golden summer light. Kyo stood up marveled. The Sanctuary had rebuilt itself. Then the golden light slowly died out and the sacred grounds were illuminated by the pale moon light.

“We did it.” Frey’s voice was feeble but clear. Kyo looked in the voice’s direction with a racing heart and ran to his friend. Frey was lying on his back. Just like him, the uniform had transformed back to his own clothes, which were dirty and smashed. Kyo helped him sit up and saw how his friend was covered in cuts, bruises and blood. “We finally rebuilt the Sanctuary! We defeated the Marams. We defeated Eric.”

“You defeated Eric.” Kyo said with a smile. Frey turned his head to look at him, his eyes shining under the moon light.

“I would have never have won without you.” Frey said with a grateful expression. “I heard your words.”

The blond looked firmly at Kyo, his expression solemn, his eyes locked in his. It must have been a few short seconds, but it felt like ages. The Japanese felt all the air leave his lungs. His heart stopped beating to suddenly restart in a race. Frey’s eyes were never this penetrating. Kyo would swear he read fear and longing in them. He wanted to kiss him, so badly. He wanted to tell him he loved him, so badly. But he didn’t have the courage and instead he cowered back. Whatever Frey saw in his brown eyes, made him glance away almost shyly, almost regretfully. When they broke eye contact, Kyo was left with the uncomfortable feeling of emptiness in his heart. He remained sitting down without knowing what he should do or say. Frey was already getting up. But he groaned of pain and his legs gave away. Kyo quickly caught him and, as he slowly helped his friend to lay down, fear swept through his whole body.

“It still hurts.” Frey’s face was contorted of pain, his hand was pressed tightly against his chest. Kyo could see he was trembling and breathing with difficulty. He gently touched the material close to Frey’s hand and noticed it was wet. He strained his eyes and realized there was a large dark stain on Frey’s jumper. Carefully, he removed Frey’s hand and lifted the jumper. He repressed a frightened sob when he realized it was blood. Desperately needing to see better in the dark, Kyo shed light from his mobile on his friend’s chest.

“Frey…” Kyo whispered with a shaky voice, fear and despair growing in his mind and heart. There was a wound on his chest, a deep cut on his heart, releasing a lot of blood.

“It’s okay Kyo.” Frey said with the softest voice and Kyo shook his head, in the brink of tears. How could Frey comfort him when he was the one needing to be comforted? “It’s okay.” The blond repeated in a whisper. His hand reached for Kyo’s and he smiled sadly. And then, very gently, his eyes slowly closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is rather personal. It helped me get over short winter depression. It was caused by a person very close to me, but not in a romantic way. The way Frey learns to free himself fro Eric, just like the process of letting go, are actually the feelings I had towards that person at that time. I only realized this, after I had finished this chapter. So, it was a therapeutic writting, where In subconciously wrote my own feelings in the person of Frey, while I sort of projected in Eric the way I perceived that person at the time.


	15. Healing of the soul

The Scandinavian Sanctuary’s ample divisions and corridors were filled by an anguished scream. Kyo could feel life wanting to depart from his best friend’s body and he could not accept it. Not after all they’ve gone through. Not after their victory. It was not supposed to end like this.

“Oh no! No, Frey, no!” Kyo desperately yelled while he shook his friend’s shoulders. How could Frey look this peaceful, when Kyo’s world was crumbling down in an infinite abyss of pain? “You cannot leave me! Frey, I need you! Please don’t leave me! Don’t go away without me!” He released a sad cry and held his unconscious friend’s body close to his, cradling him back and forward. “ _Jiiva…Jiiva…Jiiva_ ” He muttered the Lotis words for healing, but there was no reaction, no changes or effects on Frey’s health. “Please, please don’t die.” He whispered afflicted. “How am I going to live without you? Please, come back.” Kyo shivered from cold and fear. He felt an overwhelming wave of despair and helplessness take hold of his mind and heart. And then he screamed. “Help! Please, somebody help me! Lotsan!!!”

 _Why do you cry_?

 Kyo opened his eyes in surprise. He knew this voice. This child’s voice. He looked around and gasped shocked as he perceived he wasn’t in the Sanctuary anymore. The nightly shadows had been replaced by a warm sunny light, illuminating an endless world of green fields and fresh spring flowers. He looked down and Frey was still lying numb in his arms. He could see now the dark red staining his jumper. More hot tears were released.

_Why do you lose hope so soon, Kyo?_

 The raven haired boy lifted his head. He was sure now.

“Nyozeka.” He whispered. A white rabbit with pink eyes hopped from the distance to join him. “Nyozeka! You must help him, please…” But the rabbit simply stared at him and then hopped away again. “Nyozeka! You cannot leave now! Come back! Frey needs your help!!!”

 He shouted revolted, holding his friend’s body close to his. He watched miserably the white figure slowly disappear in the vastness of the green hills. His eyes rested on them for a while, dry and tired. Then they widened and a new hope filled his heart. There was a new figure. It was a man, with long light hair and a tanned skin. He peacefully walked in his direction and soon he stood before Kyo. The Japanese was speechless as words failed him. Introductions weren’t needed. He instinctively knew who this man was. _Lotsan_.

“He reminds me of my youngest son.” Lotsan said while he knelled before Frey, opposite to Kyo. He rested his hand on the blond’s temple and smiled tenderly. “So full of pain, so full of love. So vulnerable and yet so strong.” He gently waved his other hand over Frey’s chest and uttered _Jiiva_. After a short while, Frey released a soft sigh but did not open his eyes.

“He’s alive!” Kyo said blissfully.

“Yes. All he needs now is to rest.” Lotsan said and remained kneeled next to the blond’s head. “Thousands of years and thousands of lifetimes have gone by. And after all these eras, my legacy still lives on.” He lifted his eyes and met Kyo’s for the first time since he arrived. The Japanese felt his heart skip a few times. They were green. The exactly same color as Frey’s. “The war isn’t over yet. More battles will come. He’ll need you. You need to be his strength.” Kyo nodded while he swallowed dry. “He doesn’t understand why, but he knows in his heart that his fate is bound to the Neo-masters and his mission is to protect them, no matter what.”

“Frey…Is he…?” The words failed him again but Lotsan smiled, seeming to understand what the boy was thinking.

“The Marams don’t know yet, but sense something… unusual about him. That’s why they have plagued him his whole life. Constantly trying to break him, bring him down. And when they fail, they go after those he loves the most.”

“Eric…Ida…” Kyo whispered at the realization their fates were intertwined with the constant war between Marams and Lotis.

“As for the Lotis Order, the Grand Masters suspect.” Kyo stared stunned at the Great Master. “They keep their suspicions safe to themselves, in complete secrecy, to protect him and the Order from the Marams. The question is, how long before others start to wonder?”

“The prophecy… it doesn’t mention only the Neo-masters and the return of the Forgotten Words, does it?” Kyo asked feeling his heart rate speed.

“Have you never asked yourself why an influential Order spread out through the world, with hundreds of members; would chose a 19 years-old coming from their smallest Sanctuary, with the important mission of finding the Neo-masters and defeating the Darva?”

“They knew he would find Alice and me.”

“He has very good instincts, a talent that goes beyond hours of studies.”

“So what’s going to happen now?”

“Now, you’ll return home. Take good care of him. Don’t worry, Kyo. As long as you remain faithful to your heart, you’ll know what to do when moments of important decisions come to pass.”

_Farwell, Kyo._

And with the white rabbit’s last words, Kyo found himself back in the Sanctuary. He looked down. Frey was breathing easily, his chest rising and falling regularly, safe in a tranquil world of slumber. The dark haired boy smiled while he lifted his head. A soft golden light slowly gave color to the Sanctuary. A new day was born. And with it, a new hope.

…

Frey softly blinked his eyes, a bright light welcoming his awakening. He opened his eyes completely and recognized his bedroom. With a heavy sigh, he stretched his body lazily.

“You’re awake!” Kyo, who was sitting on the floor nearby the bed, books and papers all spread on it, quickly stood up with a happy smile.

“How long have I been out?” Frey asked, smiling in return, while he carefully sat up. Kyo came to sit next to him and helped adjusting the pillow behind his friend’s back.

“One day and a half.”

“That long?” Frey asked surprised. Kyo nodded with a gentle smile.

“How are you feeling?”

“Ehm…the pain in the chest is gone.” Frey said, while his fingers traced the area that had been injured. “But I feel really tired…and hungry!” Kyo let out an easy giggle and got up.

“I’ll get you something to eat.” Kyo returned short after with some toast and jam, for Frey’s great delight. While eating, he noticed Kyo was staring at him with a serious look on his face.

“What is it, Kyo?” Frey asked worriedly.

“I thought I lost you out there, for a moment.” The Japanese confessed and his friend smiled kindhearted.

“You shouldn’t give up hope that soon.” He said amused.

Kyo’s eyes widened. His Lotis mentor’s words were so similar to Niozeka’s. He met Frey’s green eyes and recognized the same light in them as he saw in Lotsan’s. The light of faith, of life, the fuel to Frey’s endless optimism. He decided not to tell him anything about his encounter with the Great Master, knowing it wasn’t the moment for it. Frey had enough worries in his life already and he knew it was a matter of time for the Order to start giving him more responsibilities. The future would bring new challenges with it. But first, he was making sure Frey got to rest and heal fully. Because it hadn’t been only his body that had been wounded. “Oh, I remember something!”

 Frey suddenly said, a small spoon with jam hanging between his lips. “I had a dream with Niozeka!” Kyo’s eyes widened at his friend’s revelation and wondered if he had remembered anything of their encounter with Lotsan. “She told me not to worry about Alice, because soon she would be born close to her. Is there somebody in her family expecting a child? Her mother perhaps?”

“N-No, not that I know.” Kyo sincerely spoke, not expecting such a subject to come up. “To be honest, I haven’t had much contact with Alice after the, uh, break up. And Mayura has told me nothing of the kind.”

“How odd.” Frey said with his brow furrowed and a tone of wonder. “The dream was so vivid.” The blond was silent a while, lost in his thoughts, and then suddenly, he remembered something else. “How did you get me here?”

“I used _Kaara_ and the Lotis brought us right to your apartment.”

“Really!” Frey said in an excited tone, startling his friend. “That’s a difficult technic! You are learning to master the Lotis really fast and better every day!”

“It’s not the first time I use it.” Kyo casually said, blushing terribly, for Frey’s pride was very evident.

“Oh yeah, I remember. You used it to track down Alice … It was the first time we met.” Frey recalled, smiling widely at the memory. “You sure hated me at the time.” He said with a giggle.

“I never hated you.” Kyo contradicted. He realized it hadn’t been a year yet, and it already felt like they knew each other very much longer. So many things had happened.

“You hated me at that moment, when I was stealing Alice from you.” Frey accused in a loud giggle, while he childishly pointed his finger at Kyo.

“Well, you were being absolutely idiotic and too presumptuous and irritating!” Kyo yelled upset, his bad temper already boiling, for much of his friend’s amusement.

“Uh, did I change that much? ‘Cause you’ve became quite attached to me.” Frey teased and Kyo had to restrain himself from hitting his friend. He was starting to think Frey had recovered too quickly.

“You haven’t changed one bit!!! You are still the same irritating presumptuous idiot!!!” Kyo accused angrily. Frey let out a laughter but then, all at the sudden looked thoughtful, like if some kind of realization had struck him.

“What?” Kyo asked at the sudden change of mood.

“What changed then?” Frey asked in pure wonder. Kyo felt the all blood drain down his face, to return right after in its full force. That question was so confronting and had been put out so suddenly, that Kyo didn’t really know what to answer. Words were stuck in his throat, so he hesitated for too long. He knew he was blushing and Frey must have noticed, for he was staring at him with those analytical eyes.

“We became friends, that’s what changed.” Kyo finally blurted after an uncomfortable pause.

Then he picked up the empty plate and rushed out the room without adding a word. He had felt exposed under Frey’s inquisitive look, he could feel his ears burning and was sure if things carried on like this, he would die of arrhythmia. He washed the plate, needing to do something with his hands, needing to buy time, needing to think what to do next. Because he knew, right know, Frey was in the room trying to figure out what just happened. Taking a few deep breaths, he made some tea and when he entered the room again, he was already calm. Frey gave him a guarded look and stared in anticipation.

“I…brought you some tea.” Kyo quietly said, placing the mug on the bedside table, so there was no chance for their hands to touch.

“Thanks.” Frey spoke lowly, while he picked up the mug. He took a sip, while his eyes remained casted down, safe from Kyo’s gaze. The dark haired boy decided to sit down on the floor again and restart with his homework. “Ehm…Kyo?”

“Yes?” The Japanese feared what Frey would say next. “What about my work?”

“Oh, they called yesterday in the morning.” Kyo answered relieved. “I told your boss you had the flu and were in bed with fever.”

“And… shouldn’t you be at school right now?” Frey questioned, the playful tone back in his voice. He knew perfectly well Kyo would refuse to leave his side until he was properly recovered.

“Well, you know how those flus are highly contagious.” Kyo replied dryly so his Lotis mentor let out a hearty laughter. Afterwards the blond softly pressed his back against the pillow, looking really tired, despite the smile on his lips.

“I’m exhausted. Gonna rest a bit more.” Frey said, feeling weariness sweeping over his body. “Will you stay here with me?” Frey asked and Kyo sensed the plea surrounded by fear and insecurity.

“You know I will.” Kyo said and Frey smiled, while he sighed relieved, slowly surrendering to slumber.


	16. Sweet surrender

_The air was dry and acid. Only breathing it was like inhaling fire. The room was filled with monsters, tall and slim, short and round, horrendous and frightening. Black shadows like smoke of a burning house. Their limbs stretched like elastics, their claws were sharp like knives, their slit tongues licked their pointy fangs. They were at him. They were going to finish him. Death was on its way._

“Ahhhhhh!”

Frey woke up from the horrible nightmare and sat up on his bed, screaming his head off. He was disoriented, not recognizing his own bedroom, not realizing he had woken up. Everything was still very dark. So dark. Suddenly a light filled the room and Frey screamed still afflicted but also from the sudden brightness, covering his eyes confused. Kyo practically jumped on the bed and reached for his friend. But Frey’s dream was still too fresh and vivid in his mind, so he released another panicked scream, while his hands pushed Kyo away.

“Frey! It’s me! It’s Kyo! Look at me!” The Japanese urged, while he defended from the Norwegian’s clumsy blows. Frey blinked his eyes, adjusting to the light. First all he saw was a blurred image opposite him, but quickly the colors and shapes became clearer, until he could see normally again.

“Kyo!” Frey said in a gasp, as he recognized his friend.

“It’s okay. It was only a dream.” Kyo said and saw pure relieve wash over his friend’s face.

“Oh God. It was only a dream, just a dream.” Frey said, more to himself than to his friend and let himself fall back, while he put his hands on his head. “Just a dream.” He whispered, tears escaping his eyes.

“Want to talk about it?” Kyo asked while he observed his friend worriedly and sat on the bed, next to the blonde.

“No.” Frey replied with a strangled voice. His hands were covering his face and Kyo knew he was hiding his tears. The blond breathed in and out fast and heavily. After a while, he wiped the tears away and took a deep breath. He quickly regained his composure and sat up, so he was leveled to his friend. “I wish I never met Eric.” He confessed tiredly. Kyo rested a hand on the other boy’s shoulder and gave it a small squeeze. “I wish I never entered the Lotis Order. I wish I just had a normal life. The most banal and boring possible life ever.” Kyo looked at him with compassion and leaned slightly, shortening the distance between them.

“But then we would never have met.” Kyo countered and lifted his eyes to meet Frey’s. Only then, did he realize they were very close, their noses almost touching. Yet, he did not feel like backing out and Frey seemed to think the same. Instead, the blond pressed his temple against Kyo’s and the Japanese closed his eyes for moments, enjoying the feeling.

“I know.” Frey whispered. “And I would regret it the most.” Kyo opened his eyes again and met Frey’s.

He thought he was going to drown in that world of green. He hesitantly pushed his forehead a bit, so their noses touched in a quick greeting. He was going to pull back again, but he felt Frey’s hand grab his shoulder and dared not to move. Their gazes were locked the whole time, their heads remained pressed together. Kyo’s heart started beating faster and faster as he had no idea what to do now. Then it was Frey who pressed his forehead against his, with just a little force. Kyo saw Frey’s eyes shift to look downwards and all the air left his lungs. There was a hesitation of seconds. Kyo felt Frey’s fingers around his shoulder press deeper in his skin, the blond moved his head ever so slowly and careful, like if he was afraid to scare him off. And then their lips connected. It was a very gently touch, a soft brush of lips. Frey’s lips met Kyo’s another few times, always in tender caresses. Kyo’s heart was pounding violently inside of his chest. But a wave of great happiness swept over his body, as his object of longing was corresponding him. He gently brought a hand to Frey’s cheek and pressed his lips against the blond’s. They remained like this for a long while, hardly moving, their lips engaged in soft repetitive caresses. And then desire grew and the kisses became a hungrier.

Frey’s hand on Kyo’s shoulder traveled to his back and soon his other hand too, embracing him completely. The Japanese responded the same way and their bodies were brought close together. They kissed eagerly, still tenderly, but with a growing desire. Kyo thought he was going to lose it when he felt the other’s tongue press against his teeth, so he opened his mouth willingly. He welcomed the warmed kiss, allowing Frey’s tongue to explore his mouth. The temperature started rising, the breathing became more erratic. The two boys were unable to stop their kissing, the longing being too great and too strong.

Kyo leaned over Frey, bringing him down with his weight, so he was lying of top of the blond. Their hands tightened their embrace, fingers digging the material on their backs. Kyo felt the fire of desire be fueled and kissed more passionate, entering Frey’s mouth and tasting it willingly. Frey released a small moan when he felt his friend’s advance and desperately pulled him closer, having the feeling they were never close enough. After many minutes, they finally had to depart to breathe some air. They looked at each other’s for the first time since they started kissing. Both were flushed, lips swollen and with a look of lust in their eyes. They locked their gazes for a while, breathing heavily, both lost for words. Then Frey pulled Kyo back to him so their picked up from where they stopped. 

No words were ever switched, just hungry kisses. Sometimes one of them would moan from the increasing pleasure. Sometimes they broke the kiss to breathe and read the growing hunger in each other’s eyes. Kyo knew there was no stopping now. Frey was as restless as he was, clinging on him, his body constantly in search for his, hands traveling all over his back, fingers intertwining in his dark hair, fingertips caressing his face. The Japanese was overwhelmed with the feelings that invaded his heart and body.

Frey was a great kisser. His taste, his touch, his muffed moans and movements under him were driving him crazy. He knew Frey had full control of his actions and was doing this purposely to enhance their bodily urges. And he realized, while he sneaked his hands under Frey’s shirt (resulting in a satisfied moan from the blond) he wanted to give him exactly what he desired. Hands now searched for the warmth of silky skin and soon they were both bare chested. Kyo thought he was going insane with the skilled kissing, alternated with soft nibbling and licks, around his neck area. He allowed Frey to turn over, so the blondewas now in the dominant position. Kyo gasped, released strangled moans and repressed curses as Frey tortured his nipples with delightful kisses and nibbling. Kyo knew he had meanwhile become harder than hard, but dared no to move from under Frey.

The blond was tracing kisses all over his skin, his fingertips following them. He kissed his chest and then his lips traveled downwards and downwards. He returned to Kyo’s mouth to explore it better, biting softly his under lip. Kyo released a strangled scream when he felt Frey’s fingers surround his hardened member. He moaned restless and breathed harder, so he had to break the kiss. Frey’s hand moved skillfully, pleasuring his erection, rubbing it up and down, up and down. Their faces were close, noses almost touching. Kyo couldn’t take his eyes of Frey’s lovely eyes, of his sweet smile, while he increased the pressure between his legs. At a certain point it became unbearable and he knew he was about to come. It felt horribly painful and wonderfully pleasant at the same time. Kyo shut his eyes tightly, pulled his head back, bit his under lip. He gasped, repressed moans and breathed faster and faster. Frey watched him fascinated, strengthened his grip and moved his hand faster, knowing Kyo was almost there. The dark haired boy released a pleasured moan when release finally came. He remained a while lying on his back, eyes closed, a soft happy smile on his lips. He couldn’t believe what just had happened. He couldn’t believe his love for Frey was corresponded. But most of all, he couldn’t believe he had accepted his friend’s advances this willingly and this undisturbed.

Kyo opened his eyes and saw Frey was looking at him with the loveliest face, a tender smile on his lips, a smile that grew slightly wider when Kyo smiled back. They returned to the gentle kisses, till Kyo could feel his body ask for more.

He realized Frey had expected this, for he guided Kyo to lay on top of him again. The dark haired boy knew it was an invitation to, this time, go all the way to the end. And realized it was exactly what he wanted, what he needed. With trembling hands, he removed his pajama pants and underwear, which were already half way down, and then went for Frey’s clothing. The blond flinched slightly, probably not expecting his friend’s daring action and smiled at the advance. Kyo loved the touch of Frey’s warm body, his scent and the cute small noises of pleasure he produced. They kissed hungrily, their hands traveling wildly, trying to bring their bodies even closer together. Kyo was ready again and kissed Frey madly, while he pressed his erection against the blond’s belly. He almost cursed for Frey’s experience, for he held Kyo’s hand and wiped some of his semen from earlier with his fingers. He guided Kyo’s index to his opening to stretch it. The dark haired boy felt nervous about this. He could see a faint expression of discomfort in Frey’s face, while his finger slipped inside and outside his body. But after a while, Frey guided him to insert a second finger. It was the same process and Kyo watched his friend breathe heavily, while lust grew in his eyes.

 Words were never exchanged. Kyo thought he should say he loved Frey. But he knew Frey already knew it. Just like he knew his friend felt the same thing about him. So in the end, words were needless. Frey removed Kyo’s fingers from his body and nodded encouraging him. Kyo swallowed dry, his excited body begging for Frey’s. He kissed softly while he carefully inserted his erected body inside of Frey. The kiss was broken by a painful moan and Kyo froze, afraid to hurt Frey. They remained immobile for some seconds, until Frey placed his hands on Kyo’s back for support and slowly moved under him. When the initial pain subsided, he kissed Kyo passionately, stimulating him to move again. Kyo never thought making love would feel this good.

Kyo’s pleasure increased by each second, by each movement inwards and outwards, by each soft moan Frey released, by the sensation of nails digging in his back. Kisses became hotter, wetter and more uncoordinated. Just like the hands that seemed to have a life of their own, wanting all of each other’s skin. The movements were an intense tango dance, alternating from passionate wild thrusting to slow and easy pauses. Their moans became more frequent, louder, filled of pain, passion and need. Their breathing was fast and deep.

Their movements became erratic. Kyo lost sense of what he was doing. He could not think. He could only feel. Feel the walls around his long hardness tighten, feel the heat around it, feel the warm wetness in his mouth, feel the sweet taste of salty skin. His banging was wild and merciless. His ears pounded with the sound of his heart beating, with the noise of Frey’s growing moans. Kyo grunted and his body seemed to want to break. He moved in and out mindlessly and kissed madly when a great wave of pure pleasure invaded his body. He heard a series of loud delighted moans under him and then collapsed feeling happily exhausted.

It had felt great. So right. So perfect. He slid to lay on Frey’s side, on his back, and he turned his head to meet his lover’s face. Frey sensed him and turned his head too. His face was never this beautiful before. Damp hair was glued to his forehead, his cheeks were rosy and a there was a glint in his green eyes. Frey’s happy smile was reflected on Kyo’s. Both remained a while staring at each other, feeling blissful and tired, panting heavily, waiting for their hearts to calm down. And when their breathing normalized again, they turned on their sides, facing each other, never wanting to depart from each other, ever again.

 


	17. Perfect Harmony

**Oh lights go down**

**In the moment, we're lost and found**

  
**I just wanna be by your side**

  
**If these wings could fly**

  
**For the rest of our lives**

 

**Birdy**

 

 

It took long hours for Kyo to finally fall asleep. He remained most of the night lying quietly, while he watched Frey’s sleeping face in the dim darkness. So beautiful. So peaceful. Unlike Kyo, the blond had fallen into a sweet slumber quite quickly after their love making. The dark haired boy’s mind, on the other hand, was too active and all kind of worries developed in it.

Not one single word had been switched from the moment their lips touched. It had been so perfect, the touches so real, the feeling so intense that words simply felt overstated. But during the long hours of the night, that stretched themselves in the dark silence, words suddenly became important, crucial, vital. Kyo needed to talk. He had many questions plaguing his mind.  Many interrogations about himself, about his Lotis mentor, about their future and this special something that happened tonight. But eventually, even his active mind got tired of the worrisome questioning. Kyo couldn’t remember closing his eyes, but when he opened them, a pair of green orbs were staring back at him.

“Morning.” Frey whispered, his voice almost indiscernible. Kyo smiled at Frey’s lazy and tender voice.

“Morning. Did you sleep well?” Kyo asked while he stretched his limbs, shaking some of his sleep away. Frey nodded.

“Had no nightmares for a change.” The golden haired said smiling happily. “And you?”

“I slept okay.” Kyo said but sensed the awkwardness in his own voice. Of course Frey sensed it too, his eyes twitching ever so slightly.

“Having any regrets?” He asked and Kyo thought he heard him try to conceal fear from his voice.

“None.” Kyo honestly replied. “I just… started thinking about things.” He hesitantly said. Frey shifted a bit on the bed and laid his head more comfortably on the pillow. Kyo knew the blond was ready to listen him out. “Stuff like…uh…Does _this_ make me gay?”

“Not necessarily. If you like girls, then this makes you bisexual. But … if this should become a relationship, then it would be called homosexual.” Frey said in a very casual voice.

“But we are in a relationship, aren’t we?” Kyo asked, surprised at Frey’s conclusion.

“I don’t know.” Frey said uncertain, with a shrug on his shoulders. Kyo felt his heart pang, already sensing Frey was taking this all too lightly and his temperamental fire immediately burned under his chest.

“What do you mean you don’t know?!” Kyo shouted bluntly and Frey flinched a bit at his sudden outburst.

“Jezz, Kyo. Calm down! I didn’t mean to upset you.” Frey said defensively, never ceasing to be surprised at Kyo’s capability of becoming bad tempered too quickly in any circumstance and any moment of the day.

“Shit, Frey! This was my first time! I bloody lost my virginity to you!” Kyo spat angrily, ignoring Frey’s mild apology. The blond had sounded too casual and indifferent and now Kyo’s heart raced as a horrible thought crossed his mind. That he was just another of Frey’s great collection of one-night stands.

“I know, Kyo! Don’t think I’m taking this lightly!” It was Frey’s turn to yell, finding it unbelievable how stupidly dense Kyo was in love matters.

“Then how can you not know if we are in a relationship of not?!” Kyo countered upset.

“Because I really don’t know! It’s kind of recent!” Frey shouted in a way that made Kyo feel stupid.  

“Aren’t you the one with the experience in relationships?”

“You mean the relationships that don’t last longer than one night or the really messed up ones?” Frey shouted infuriated. “I knew this was a bad idea.” He murmured to himself and shifted to get out of the bed. But Kyo quickly grabbed him by his arms, forcing the blond to remain lying and pinned him down with his body. “God damn it, Kyo! Let me loose!” Frey protested but Kyo refused and instead tightened his grip. He had understood the layer of pain in Frey’s undertone and needed to get at the bottom of whatever was happening between them.

“You said you had a relationship with Eric.”

“I said it only happened once!” Frey corrected upset and Kyo stared a bit surprised.

“What happened afterwards?” Kyo asked, his voice softer and losing all of his initial anger. Frey struggled to get from under him and sighed when he didn’t succeed. He cursed internally for Kyo being so thick and head-strong. He avoided to look to the other boy’s dark eyes, not wanting to dwell on this subject. “Frey, what happened between you and Eric afterwards?” Kyo insisted, this time a bit more harshly.

“Nothing happened!” Frey yelled, anger and pain blended in his shinny eyes. “Nothing! Okay?”

“What do you mean?” The dark haired boy asked, this time feeling confused.

“You really are this stupid, aren’t you? What happened was that Eric acted extremely embarrassed after we did it, apologized and told me it should had never happened. That’s what happened!” Frey spat. He closed his eyes for moments and breathed deep. When he opened them again, their gazes met. “Look, whatever I said to upset you, it wasn’t in purpose, okay?”

“I’m sorry.” Kyo sincerely apologized, feeling bad about his overreaction and released his grip from Frey’s arms. “It’s just… it’s all so new to me.” He admitted embarrassed

“It’s new to me too, Kyo.” Frey confessed. “And yet, very familiar.”

“I’m not like Eric.” The Japanese said, his whole body relaxing as he realized he had not only overreacted, but misunderstood his friend. “I would never want to hurt you. You know why, don’t you?” He softly asked and the blond looked into his brown eyes searchingly.

“Because you love me.” Frey spoke with a sincere certainty.

“Just like you love me back.” Kyo said smiling tenderly. They stared in the depths of each other’s eyes and read the truth in them. This declaration of love, in which the words were put in each other’s mouths, felt more real than if it had been spoken in the first person. Kyo kissed Frey’s lips gently and wondered. “When did you start having feelings for me?”

“Pfff. I dunno. I always empathized with you, from the beginning, despite our differences.” Frey said with a thoughtful look on his face. “I don’t know when it started developing, but I guess I started realizing what I felt for you was more than friendship…uhm…I guess about three months ago.”

“That long ago! Why didn’t you say anything?” Frey let out a heartily laughter at his friend’s confusion.

“I didn’t want to scare you off!” He admitted. “Besides, I didn’t know it was mutual. Well, at least until you got drunk.”

“But even after then. Frey, it was… awkward. I mean - don’ take me wrongly, but I think you made things worse by not talking about it!” Kyo said exasperated, remembering the first days after the kiss and how thick the tension had felt between them.

“Like I said before, the situation is very familiar. And I know you cannot stay here forever and I started thinking about all sorts of stuff and… I don’t know… I just didn’t have the courage.” Frey confessed embarrassed and uneasily. Kyo realized then how vulnerable his friend actually was. He was reminded of his talk with Alan about him being someone with difficulty in trusting in others. And could now see to what extends Eric’s actions in the past had branded Frey.

“In that case I’m glad your courage returned, because I lacked quite some too.” Kyo said gently, planting a kiss on Frey cheeks, sensing the smile on his lover’s face.

 Frey wrapped his arms around Kyo’s back, bringing him down, so their lips could meet another countless times. They kissed. Lovingly, passionately, devotedly. They made love again, their bodies burning from the longing, from the need to feel each other, too heal the wounds buried within the soul. They were entangled in a mad sweet and sweaty dance of limbs. It was a duet of moans, groans and grunts. It was a poetry of fragmented words whispering love, shouting passion, uttering their names. Words that became sacred and worked on their bodies like magic. Until it all exploded in one great wave of pure passionate pleasure. Their bodies collapsed, their voices were muted by the hard breathing, their limbs laid spread and lazy under the sheets. Fulfilment.

…

Two weeks had gone by, since the Scandinavian sacred grounds were cleansed from Marams. Two weeks since Eric was definitely defeated. Two weeks since Frey and Kyo became lovers. Kyo was surprised that their friendship barely changed, while everything else seemed to be different now.  Their daily lives routine remained unchanged with the exception of the night excursions to the Sanctuary that had ended. With the exception they now they spent all their evenings at home. With the exception that Frey returned Friday evening, after being with his friends in the bar (while Kyo fell back in his old habit in refusing to join him, afraid of a second hangover).

Kyo realized that, if they had already a strong bond as friends, now that they became lovers, everything was intensified but in a smooth manner. He always had perceived Frey as the wild and touchy one. After all, back in Japan, he would grab, embrace and kiss Alice at the first chance. But with him it was different. Since they declared their love for one and other, Frey seemed to mellow down around Kyo. Despite Frey being a passionate lover, kissing and making love madly; at all other times he was a tender and elusive boyfriend. Kyo could make a list of all Frey’s small gestures, almost intangible touches and looks that translated his affection for him. Kyo would often sense a soft brush of Frey’s fingertips on his shoulder or back, or lose himself in the depths of those green eyes that whispered love all the time, even when they fought. Because they still had their daily senseless arguments, sometimes several times a day. They yelled, insulted and even hit each other; but the fights always ended with hot, eager and mean kisses, one pounding inside the other’s body while curses and words of love would blend with the pleasurable moans.

Kyo thought it amusing that Frey, the energetic and crazy of the two, was the quiet lover; while he, who always behaved in a moderate and proper manner, became the physical lover. He just couldn’t get enough of Frey. He loved his scent, his voice, the sound of his breathing, the touch of his soft skin. He loved to watch Frey flushed face when they kissed, his eyes darken from lust. He loved to watch Frey lose it completely, while they made love, giving his body and soul to Kyo without any restrictions. He loved to watch his face show pain and pleasure. He loved to listen to his hoarse moans and sweet whispers against his ear. Even when Frey was angry and screaming at him, for whatever senseless thing they were fighting about, Kyo thought he was beautiful and irresistible. He could never have enough of Frey.

One of the things Kyo loved mostly (and knew Frey thought the same) were their evenings at home. They would sit of lay against each other’s body on the couch, warming themselves during the chilly evenings. Sometimes they would talk endlessly and ignored whichever program was on the TV. Sometimes they would be silent for ages, watching a good movie, simply enjoying the feeling of being together. Sometimes they made love and muffed the sound of whatever was being broadcasted.

By each day that passed by, Frey and Kyo became closer. They were more connected and there reigned a pleasant harmony between them. They completed each other and separation became something unthinkable. The reason Frey felt worry about one particular subject. He had contacted the Lotis Order short after their final battle against Eric and feared now what the Group’s plan for them would be.

“Master Rodriguez is coming next week to the Sanctuary for inspection.” Frey said while he poured coffee in a mug, which Kyo took and cupped it in his hands, warming them.

“What do you think will happen?” Kyo asked while he sipped the coffee.

“The recruitment of new Scandinavian Lotis members will restart.” The blond said with a shake of his shoulders and Kyo knew what he was thinking. It was a fear they both shared. That the Order would decide the time had come for Kyo to return to Japan. But none of them was prepared for a separation.

“I refuse.” Kyo suddenly said and Frey lifted his head with his brow lifted.

“Refuse what?” He asked confused and took a bite from the bread, filled with home-made jam.

“To return to Japan.” The dark haired boy said determined. Frey gave him a condescending look and rested the bread on the plate. This was never a good sign. An indicator he would be ready to accept whichever future was reserved for him, even if it meant sacrificing himself and everything he loved, needed or dreamed of. This much was how loyal Frey was to the Lotis.

“Kyo…” Frey started. But Kyo cut him. He knew what the blond would say. He would say Kyo’s task in Norway had ended. He would say he had a family waiting for him. That his mission was to take care of Alice. That Japan was his home, his culture, his roots. That Kyo would be better off in Japan and he would be fine in Norway. Kyo knew Frey would tell these painful lies and smother with a smile of acceptance. He had seen it before, but this time he would not engage in this game of lies and false acceptance.

“No, Frey. Not this time. No more sacrifices!” The Japanese spoke with great determinacy. “When will you stop putting yourself in the last place?” The blond was clearly taken by surprise. He stared back at Kyo with his green eyes widened and his mouth slightly agape. It was such a confronting truth that Frey was momentarily lost for words. But Kyo knew he was already searching in his clever mind for something to persuade him to obey the Lotis Group blindly. “Don’t you even dare to say something to convince me to be separated from you! It will never work! Because I don’t care _where_ I am, I care _with who_ I am. I want to stay with you!” Kyo said, his eyes fiery and piercing. It took some moments for Frey to react. He chuckled after a while and then smiled.

 “In that case, I’ll leave it to you to defy the Grand Master.” He said with a complicit look and Kyo knew Frey was lying. He would defy Master Rodriguez as fiercely as him.

 

THE END


End file.
